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Public Service Reminder: If youre thinking about fucking with Nancy Pelosi... DONT.
Public Service Reminder: If you're thinking about fucking with Nancy Pelosi... DON'T. Alex Wong / Getty News

GOOD MORNING, PORTLAND! Need a lifeguard and I need protection. So put it over here in the right direction. LET'S GO TO PRESS.

House Speaker Nancy Pelosi set forth in very stark terms yesterday that it is the House's duty to impeach President Trump for high crimes and misdemeanors. A vote could be held before the Christmas break. Pelosi also read the riot act to an ex-Fox News reporter (who was pushed out of his job after sexual harassment charges *shock*) for asking if Pelosi "hates" Trump. Hope he enjoys the new one he was ripped!

The impeachment report also revealed that Trump routinely uses unsecured phones to conduct government (both illegal and legal) business, leaving American secrets vulnerable to Russia and other foreign intelligence services. (Remember that time Trump asked, "Russia, if you're listening"? They most likely are!)

A shooter has killed two and injured many others at a Florida Naval base this morning. Authorities say the gunman is dead, and the story is still developing.

Today in WHAAT THAAA FAAAACK??: "Uber discloses 3,000 reports of sexual assaults on U.S. rides last year." THREE THOUSAND. Meanwhile Lyft has been sued by 19 women who say the company failed to protect them from assaults.

Leading Democratic contender Joe Biden got into an argument with a voter in Iowa, and then challenged him to a pushup contest. HEAVY SIGH.

Meanwhile Elizabeth Warren is the first of the presidential candidates to release a full health report in which she is described by a doctor as being "very healthy." PUSHUP CONTEST!!

In "Here's Another Reason to Dislike R. Kelly": "R. Kelly charged with bribing Illinois state official to be able to marry underage Aaliyah." That's chilling.

IN LOCAL NEWS: Portland area students are planning to take their second walk-out of the year today to protest our local and federal governments' inaction on climate change.

The Portland City Council is adopting a plan that can hopefully make walking, biking, and taking public transportation easier in Southwest Portland. Our Blair Stenvick has more on that.

Meanwhile the City of Portland, Metro, and Multnomah County are working in tandem to direct tourism dollars toward the more pressing need of homeless services. Check out the story by our Alex Zielinski.

Now let's spy our little eye on the WEATHER: Mostly cloudy today with a high of 50, but expect showers this evening.

And finally...

All of it