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As expected, Senate Majority Turtle Mitch McConnell shuts down any hope for a fair trial.
As expected, Senate Majority Turtle Mitch McConnell shuts down any hope for a fair trial. Alex Wong / Getty News

GOOD MORNING, PORTLAND! Let me lay it on the line: I got a little freakiness inside. And you know that the man has got to deal with it. LET'S GO TO PRESS.

Let's start off with the corrupt Republican shit-show that is Trump's IMPEACHMENT TRIAL: Senate Majority Turtle Mitch McConnell (AKA #MidnightMitch) and the GOP shot down every attempt by the Dems to introduce witnesses and documents into the trial... making it nothing like a trial at all, right? While there's the possibility that witnesses could be called later—HAHAAAHAHAAAAA! We all know that's not going to happen. Things got so tense, Chief Justice Roberts reminded the senators to conduct themselves with civility. Again... HAHAAAHAHAAAAA!

Today marks the opening arguments in Trump's sham trial, a process that's expected to take three days—and since there's little chance of hearing from witnesses, this is the Dems chief opportunity to make their case to the American public. (They've rightly given up on the GOP.)

While at the World Economic Forum in Davos, Switzerland, Trump tried to shut his mouth about the impeachment trial, but since he's a narcissist and is incapable of controlling himself, he ended up calling his Democratic enemies “sleaze bags” and “corrupt politicians.”

In a new CNN national poll, Dem candidate Bernie Sanders has a narrow lead over Joe Biden—no thanks to Hillary Clinton who trashed him in a new documentary, refusing to say whether or not she would endorse him if he became the nominee.

At least 17 people have died from a new coronavirus out of China—one infected person is just outside of Seattle—and the World Health Organization must now decide whether or not to declare a public health emergency.

TODAY IN "INTRIGUE": It's highly probable that Jeff Bezos' phone was hacked after he received an infected video from Crown Prince Mohammed bin Salman of Saudi Arabia. It's suspected that this was revenge, since Bezos owns the Washington Post which has been extremely critical of the Saudis following the murder of their reporter Jamal Khashoggi.

Opening arguments kick off today in the trial of Harvey Weinstein, who stands accused of raping and sexually assaulting multiple women over the course of decades.

A sad day for comedy: Monty Python's Terry Jones has died at the age of 77.

IN LOCAL NEWS: The jury is currently being selected for the trial of Jeremy Christian, who has been charged in the murder/stabbing deaths of two people (and severely injuring another) in a hate crime attack on a MAX train in 2017. For those unfamiliar or having trouble remembering the details (and there are a lot of them) I've put together this primer of everything we know that led up to the attack and what happened afterward.

Activist Cameron Whitten has entered the race for Metro Council which oversees three counties, and our Alex Zielinski has the details.

Hey! Want to see a FREE SCREENING of the Mercury's SPLIFF—the cannabis-fueled film fest? It is SO FUN! Don't miss the free screenings tonight and tomorrow at Revolution Hall's Show Bar. Get the deets here!

YOU'VE HAD SOME WEIRD DATES, RIGHT? Well turn that experience into cold, hard cash by telling the Mercury your wildest online dating story. The best, craziest story wins 300 bucks!

Now let's glance skyward at the WEATHER: Rain, rain, rain all day long with a high of 48.

And finally, here's your mom.