One man is already in line outside Gresham's Best Buy. This knowledge causes me great sadness. How is there a human who would rather spend a day on a tarp in the rain, fantasizing about discount electronics, instead of passing a day warm inside with family, eating delicious pie? Sigh.

On the other side of the Black Friday spectrum, numerous Occupy supporters are planning protests against materialism, etcetera. Like Best Buy's hot deals on LCD televisions, the protests start early and run all day.

At 9AM, people are planning to protest outside WalMart in Vancouver. At 10:30am, animal rights activists kick off the traditional Fur Free Friday protest outside Portland's downtown Nordstrom's. Just as that wraps up, a noontime march meets in Pioneer Square, promising to "march on the big stores and express our frustration with corporate greed, environmental and civil negligence." As the march encircles downtown stores, across the river, protesters will be encouraging Lloyd Center shoppers to Buy More Stuff starting at 2pm. Then, as daylight wanes, an Occupy candlelit vigil is slated to take up residence around Pioneer Square, with participants hoping to stay in the square for 24 hours to protest general injustice.

But wait! No day in Portland is complete without a themed bike ride! Luckily, there's a Buy Nothing Day Bike Ride starting at 5:30pm in Jamison Square, neatly rounding out the evening protest calendar. All the events are here on the Occupy calendar; pack the hot apple cider and Guy Fawkes mask!