A LITTLE CHAOS Hans Gruber's parties are weird.

A LITTLE CHAOS is a movie I could best describe as "zzzzzzzzz." If you want to read more words, here they come.

In the year... oh, I don't know, a long time ago, the French began building the Palace of Versailles, for whatever reason. It had a really big yard. I think builders traditionally made really tidy gardens for spaces that big, but designer André (Matthias Schoenaerts) hired Sabine (Kate Winslet) after seeing her zanily move a flowerpot out of line. Crazy! The well-to-do garden-opinion-havers that make up A Little Chaos' supporting cast pooh-pooh André's selection because Sabine is not orderly and a woman. Insanity!

Don't let the name fool you: A Little Chaos is neither small nor at all chaotic. The lead characters briefly squabble about Sabine's designs for the garden, and aside from some rain and the ghost of a child, things mostly go according to plan. It's directed by Alan Rickman, who also cast himself as King Louis XIV, which might give you some insight as to his sense of grandeur with this project. While Rickman is an actor that I love in literally everything I've ever seen him in, as a director, his approach from behind the camera is soooo sloooooooow. It's beautiful, because gardens and flowers and Matthias Schoenaerts are beautiful, so that's nice, but God is it boring. And I don't get why this part of the yard was such a big deal? Or why the palace was a big deal? Or who anyone was, or why they said and did the things they said and did or why any of it mattered? It's a yard, people.

A Little Chaos could be edited down to the C-plot on a single episode of Downton Abbey and it still wouldn't be as interesting as whatever's going down with Mr. Bates, who is always the most boring part of that show.