STEP UP REVOLUTION Well SOMEBODY certainly enjoyed Magic Mike.

HAVE YOU EVER WATCHED So You Think You Can Dance or America's Best Dance Crew and felt that they would be way more awesome in 3D and with Peter Gallagher? YES, right?! Then have I got the movie for you! It's called Step Up Revolution, and it is the most redonkulous thing I've ever seen.*

If you think that Step Up Revolution takes the popular Step Up film series about hot people dancing and places the action into the tumult of the American Revolution, then I'm just going to let you keep thinking that, and hopefully Hollywood is reading because that is also a movie I would watch and love, and perhaps its likely success will lead to Step Up Civil War, Step Up Alamo, and (fingers crossed) Step Up Louisiana Purchase.

Anyway, I don't really need to waste any time with the plot of this movie. The writers sure didn't! OH BURN! But that shit doesn't matter when you've got PETER GALLAGHER and FLASH MOBS and CARS THAT GO UP AND DOWN. Furthermore: Miami. Sand-throwing dance-offs. YouTube! Peter Gallagher's eyebrows. Wet T-shirts. DJs with accents. Dreadlocks. Cubans. Trampolines. Doing the splits! Making out. Putting it all on the line. Breaking the rules. And most importantly, a METRIC FUCKTON of 3D BUTT-SHAKING!

And yes, you have to see this movie in 3D; the director of photography is named fucking CRASH† and everybody knows that a good flash mob should leave watchers nearing an epileptic breakdown.

In closing, this movie will give people like you, me, and Peter Gallagher a crunking 3D boner for life.

*I don't actually know if "redonkulous" means "really awesome" or "really terrible," but either interpretation should work for this review.

† Karsten "Crash" Gopinath.