Not to make light of drunk driving, but man—what a pain in the ass! There's that breathalyzer/walking the line stuff, the detox center, community service, and those boring classes where you have to hear grieving, guilt-trip-giving parents talk about how their little kid got hit by a drunk driver or something. All that can really suck the fun out of a night of drinking!

Which means that from now on, we here at the Mercury are walking to bars. Luckily, Portland's slew of killer neighborhoods means there are a ton of places where it's fun and easy to hike, stumble, and crawl from drink to drink; to find the best spots, we had our intrepid reporters/lushes explore Portland's drinkin' neighborhoods on foot. Read, enjoy, and try them out yourself—and since we've grown pretty fond of a few of these routes, don't be surprised when we (literally) bump into you on the sidewalk. At which point we'll probably try to trick you into buying us another drink.