Andrew Bird makes music that makes life worth living, but who wants to read another "this is so great, blah blah, my opinion is awesomer than you" feature, right? Instead, I consulted with an ornithologist friend of mine to figure out a question that has been burning in minds all across America: If Andrew Bird's music was actually birds, what birds would it be?

Flavescent Warbler

(Basileuterus flaveolus)

Like many warblers, this bird's song is whistle-like and beautiful. Unlike many crooners, Andrew Bird sings beautiful songs—and he's also a professional whistler. Plus, this Northwestern University-educated violinist seems like the kind of guy that would use the word "flavescent" in a song.

White-Throated Sparrow (Zonotrichia albicollis)

This bird's call, like the foundation of many of Mr. Bird's tape-loop-based live performances, consists of a two-note phrase over and over. Apparently it sounds like this bird is saying, "O Sweet Canada Canada Canada," which, while not an actual lyric from any of Bird's songs, sure sounds like the kind of smart-ass remark the guy who once told us "I was getting ready to threaten to be a threat" would make.

Western Meadowlark(Sturnella neglecta)

Whoa. Have you ever heard this bird's song? It's both really pretty and really fucking weird. Andrew Bird makes amazing songs that feel so beautiful—and then you realize he is singing about drilling a tiny hole into your head. Trepanning, dude. Whoa.

Greater Roadrunner(Geococcyx californianus)

Did you know that roadrunners EAT other, smaller birds? Well, not only will Andrew Bird eat all those other, crappier, violin-playing, whistle-blowing, indie-fied rock stars for breakfast, but with lyrics like, "In a Petri dish/ Where single cells would swing their fists/At anything that looks like easy prey/In this nature show that rages every day," it seems that he's thought a bit about being higher up in the food chain.