and step away from the selfies now…

A few months ago during pillow talk, we were talking about the famous duckface picture. I laughed listening to you tongue-lash these women. You strongly stated that these women and their duckface photos are “univocally heightened” and its merely just a cry for sex. I agreed with you to an extent, but once you said “merely for sex”, it got me thinking. Do these girls really think that they look sexy? And does anybody ever really get laid because they took this ill at ease photo?

You complainiac, have been on a mission since then. I’ve received about 50 duckface photos from you, from all over town because your trying to create the perfect “do you want to shag me” duckface photo. Don’t get me wrong it’s been hilarious. It started at the grocery store in the produce area holding fresh melons (didn’t do it for me though, I did not want to bone you). At subway next to a cardboard Jared cutout (This one should fall under the famous internet addendum “Rule 35”). And most recently, you at your sisters, taking selfies with your 18 month old niece.

Your sis called me today, she’s pretty fucking mad. Your niece won’t stop doing the duckface, and your sister says you owe her $300.00 for their family portraits they just had taken. Your sister invited us over to dinner before I leave next week, so you can un-teach her how to look like one of the Kardashiwhores. Apparently she hasn't taken a normal picture in 3 months, and she wants her baby back.