I don't know why you took the quick release out of my front wheel of my bike at Beulahland tonight. My wheel was secured to the frame and the bike staple via u-lock. I admit I was taken aback when I unlocked my bike and the front wheel fell clean off.

I certainly don't know why you wrapped most of the quick release in a soggy newspaper and left it sitting beside my bike.

But I know that you are a toilet.

Try suicide.