To the d-bag riding the stolen custom black and gold Hufnagel fixed-gear: Do yourself a favor and turn the bike in at the nearest cop shop. Tell them you found it or something. The person you ran from at the Sunset TC center today got a perfect image of you with her phone and it has been seen by hundreds of people by now. I'm telling you for your own good as the person you stole from has very many unsavory friends and I'm trying to save you what will probably be a considerable beating if you are caught with the bike.

I'm not trying to scare you into doing the right thing, I am honestly trying to help you.

This is not a joke.