Im sorry. I cannot deal with all of your issues right now. Clearly, I have enough of my own. I cannot help you through your struggles with intoxicants either. Clearly, I have enough struggles of my own in that regard as well. But ultimately, its just pointless. You don't seem to want to help yourself! Lets just say for one moment, hypothetically, I was in a position to help you find whatever mystical state of being it is you seek. You dont seem to want it bad enough! Talk is cheap. You have ALOT of talents, and you have great ideas, but they are so seldomly seen to fruition. There is nothing wrong with the gift of gab, but it seems anymore thats the only gift you have. Yes, you tell a great story. You should write a book or a movie. You have some really strange talent of persuasion when you want.And I will agree to some extent that being a storyteller is harmless. But in art and in morality there is always a line and it has to be drawn somewhere. I dont agree with where you draw yours. I doubt I ever will. I dunno what it is you have been trying to get from me these past spent lengths... But Its become a toxic wasteland if you ask me. I see you, I feel upset. For numerous reasons. Mostly, I feel used. You can say otherwise til your blue. But TALK IS CHEAP. I ask you to prove me wrong, but you prove me right without fail. Its a waste of my breath anymore. I cannot seem to find a happy feeling in whatever kind of relationship it is you want with me. And anymore,you cant seem to come around unless your obliterated. And you know how toxic our relationship is when your in that state or close to it... Its a guaranteed disaster waiting to happen, and yet you repetitively put me in that position. And I don't wanna hear you'll pay me back. You never really do. I know you have made some attempts. but it doesnt ever feel like were even. I cannot afford my own vices ! And as much as you hate to hear it said, you have help whenever you need through your family. You know I dont. How can you feel good about asking me for anything? Especially after all I gave to you, only to have it go mostly unnoticed or appreciated. I think its best that you do stay to your own path. Its clear your not really serious about changing.... Its just more of your really persuasive and convincing talk.for the millionth time: Prove me wrong!