Thank your for going down on me, as always. Thank you even more for being a complete fucking gentleman and not pointing out that I totally had shit stuck to my asshole. I don't even know for sure if you noticed, but I have to assume it was pretty obvious from your vantage point.

I swear to you that I had no clue as to its presence. Probably you realize this, and that proximity to genitalia involves certain risks. Even so, I am mortified. Probably permanently. I can also assure you that I will be investing in wet wipes for future precoital usage, since this incident doesn't seem to have sent you running and screaming out of my life.

Again, thank you and I'm terribly, painfully, mortifyingly sorry.