Portland wants to kick your roller derby ass, Seattle. You've been warned. Portland's Rose City Rollers—all four home teams—will be rolling large against all four of Seattle's home teams. What this means for you: FOUR, yes FOUR, Portland vs. Seattle mini games in the huge windowed confines of Memorial Coliseum on Saturday. Goody-goody-goody. I love watching the sibling rivalry between Rose City and Rat City, because these chicks know each other so well. This is going to be an ungodly amount of fun. Plus there's a lot of news on the roller derby front, like [dramatic pause] NO MORE MINOR PENALTIES. This will be the first time that either league plays with the new rules. I can't wait to check it out. Plus bring some food donations, because the Rose City Rollers are gathering goods for the Portland Police Bureau's Sunshine Division—and you'll get a voucher for $2 off at the merch booth with your donation.

Now, here's the hard facts:
Rose City Rollers vs. Rat City Rollergirls
Four mini-bouts with Heartless Heathers vs. Sockit Wenches, Guns N Rollers vs. Derby Liberation Front, High Rollers vs. Throttle Rockets, Break Neck Betties vs. Grave Danger
Saturday, December 1
Memorial Coliseum, 300 N. Winning
5:45 pm, $14-24 (tomorrow night Rose City's roller girls will be out on the town selling 2-for-1 tickets—check their Facebook or Twitter for locations, but you can bet if there's a dance party somewhere they'll be there)
Saturday's afterparty is at the Bossanova Ballroom w/DJ Gregarious and rad amounts of dancing.