Dear YOU.

You are as incompetent as you are annoying, we all stopped saying half of your "humorous" observations in 9th grade. And frankly if we go to the bar, you're not invited. I'd rather do nothing but watch Boehner's speeches for 4 hours than spend any additional time listening to your pathetic drivel.

We're also pretty sure you lied about your background given you know absolutely nothing about anything. And stopping to listen for two minutes? Well that might help.

Oh and those buzzwords you learned? STOP USING THEM. They make you sound even more like a moron. Portland is a small town and I know for a fact several of your acquaintances laugh at you and call you an idiot the minute you turn around.

We all fucking hate you and wish you'd vanish to some other kind of idiot land, possibly with popped collars and aging douche-bros like yourself. This wouldn't be a bad place to be if anyone and I mean anyone took your place. (Note: I have an excellent poster of Raggedy Ann and Andy that would look perfect in your stead.)