Other than the time you scratched your cornea on that guy's mohawk, how often do you get to wear an eye patch out on a Saturday night? Well wait no further, for this Saturday Conan's Pub is hosting the Fourth Annual Festival de Piratas (which is spanish for "you can wear a frilly white shirt and still get laid by a hot girl in a shell bra"). This nautical costume ball will feature music by Captain Bogg & Salty, Spinnaker, The Dolomites, and Broadside Johnnie for your listening pleasure (if your listening pleasure includes an appreciation for "sea chanties").

Drink grog! Get dressed up! Pay tribute to everyone's favorite rapers and pillagers of the sea! And, by all means, take this opportunity to say words like "scallywaggs," "land lubbers," and "buccaneers," without sounding like a complete tool. Just whatever you do, don't go up to anyone and ask them if they want to "walk your plank" or if you can "take their booty." J.B. RABIN

Saturday August 23 at 3862 SE Hawthorne, 8pm. Admission is $10. 21 and over.