BUOY “Well, bored with eating. Hmmm. Maybe I should have an incredibly long phone conversation?”

BUOY is a Portland-set drama written and directed by Portlander Steven Doughton. The bulk of the film is a single telephone conversation between a glum mom, T.C. (Tina Holmes), and Danny (Matthew Del Negro), her estranged brother. Borrowing from that uncomfortable plot device, my own brother and I chatted throughout as we watched Buoy.

MY BROTHER: This movie opens with long shots of water and Portland. There is subtle jazz.

ME: This does not bode well.

MY BROTHER: Is Carrie Brownstein in this?

ME: Shut up.

[For several long minutes, we watch a woman silently tidy up her house.]

ME: It is VERY. WELL. ESTABLISHED. That this woman is picking up her house.

MY BROTHER: It was the second load of laundry that convinced me.

ME: It has only been 10 minutes. Feels like longer. Oh look, her phone is ringing!

[We eavesdrop on the slow conversation, watching only from the sister's side.]

ME: This actress was in Prison Break. The dude was on The West Wing.

MY BROTHER: Let's watch those shows instead.

ME: ...

MY BROTHER: This story about the sinking ship is interesting, but usually they make movies about the interesting thing instead of just having a conversation about it.

ME: All their chatter about drugs and music suuuuucks, and those things rule!

MY BROTHER: Call me when something happens.

ME: This movie makes me never want to talk on a phone again.

MY BROTHER: Whoa! Wait, did she really say that?!

ME: Drama at the one-hour mark! Maybe they aren't boring?

MY BROTHER: They're hanging up! It's over!

ME: That wasn't too horrible. I'm gonna say it was intriguing, albeit hard to watch.

BROTHER: You're hard to watch.