Riding High on the Hog

They say that dogs and owners eventually begin to reflect each others' personalities. But perhaps motorcycles are a better and more perfect reflection of the owner's soul. When motorcycles were first manufactured in America--the classic Indians and, of course, Harleys--they mimicked the loose-in-the-saddle, cool demeanor of the American cowboy. More notably, they rejected the common saddle design from European motorcycles that forced riders to sit stock straight, like a stick-up-the-butt equestrian. These new models were the reflection of American cool.

Motorcycles have always blended the reigning definition of coolness with machine. After World War II and into the new atomic age, motorcycles evolved into two-wheeled rockets, specifically designed to satiate the new generation of hell-bent GIs and beatniks.

On Saturday, motorcycle season officially kick starts with a breakfast, ride, and classic film. Sponsored by the Sang Froid Riding Club, riders are invited for a greasy, heartburning breakfast at the Sandy Hut, 1430 NE Sandy, 235-7072, 9 am.

After breakfast, a ride will head up toward the Columbia Gorge. Along the Oregon side of the river, the Columbia Gorge Scenic Highway whips like a drunken conga line along bluffs and through hairpin turns. It climbs up to a dizzying panoramic view before plummeting through the shadowy pine trees. Really, this is one of the greatest rides in America. The ride back to Portland will shoot like a lightning bolt on the Washington side of the river, along wide-open Hwy 14.

At 4 pm, bikers will reconvene at the Clinton Street Theater for one of the greatest motorcycle movies--if not the quintessential testimony about why people ride bikes. Both inspirational and educational, On Any Sunday is a 1971 documentary film produced by Bruce Brown, who also put together the ultimate surfing film, Endless Summer. The film (narrated by Steve McQueen) follows dirt bike racers--at that time, the pinnacle of biker cool--from the rocky Mojave to icy Northern Canada. Sunday offers glimpses into the souls of motorcycle riders: why they do it, what they get out of it, and how it defines them. Clinton Street Theater, 2522 SE Clinton, 228-8899, 4 pm, $6

Sure, this all sounds great but you don't have a bike? No problem! This is a great introduction into biker culture. Simply show up at the Sandy Hut for breakfast. Riders will certainly be looking for people to ride bitch! PHIL BUSSE

For more information, contact the Sang Froid Riding Club, 493-9463

Graffiti and Beatbox Battles

You can't swing a dead cat in this town without hitting an "artist" honing some kind of "craft." That's why you need to prove your superiority over all the others, and the best way to do it is with an adrenaline-fueled, face-to-face competition. Battle it out, yo!

Round one is on the walls, between two internationally famous German graffiti artists, Daim and Seak. They're facing off with a double exhibition of their truly amazing work. We the patrons will decide which we like more--a truly daunting enterprise considering they both appear to have been born with aerosol spray paint cans instead of regular, boring hands.

Round two is on the microphone, where you're not only proving your superiority over other human beings, but also piddly-ass machinery. That's right, it's a human beatbox competition, so start practicing in your bedrooms for the big showdown. Or just sit back and admire one of the thriftiest and creative musical innovations of all time. MARJORIE SKINNER

Battlearts Exhibition/Artists Reception (w/DJs Evil 1 & Wicked), New American Casuals, 326 SE Morrison, 294-0445, Friday, 7 pm, free

Human Beatbox Competition, Roc's Bar & Grill, 2530 SE 82nd, 256-3399, Wednesday, 9 pm, free

Booty Bass Rollerskating

Tired of the same old dancefloor routine? Wanna rollerskate to such Miami Bass classics as "Your Momma's on Crack Rock"? Since the answer is an inevitable "yes," get your booty to Hillsboro Skate World this Saturday for a night of "Bass Skate," presented by Smack You Down Productions.

The masterminds behind Smack You Down are Jennifer Seigel and Alexis Lightwine, girls whose Southern upbringing gave them a proper education in the Bass. Seigel explains, "Bass booms out of cars and speakers everywhere, all the time. It makes sense to me. If you don't know how to skate (or walk down the street, or dance in the clubs), the bass will push you along."

More than just playing the Miami sound, the "Bass Skate" is a chance to get freaky with the help of the four wheels. Siegel notes, "Adding rollerskates to the mix is definitely a challenge to the tired dancefloor routine. And forget about standing around looking cool; the floor will be shaking and you will be on wheels. How can anyone stand around looking pretentious wearing rollerskates? We're all gonna look dumb and feel sexy endlessly moving forward, looping and spinning." Skate rental is included with admission, but there's a small dancefloor by the water fountain for the totally uncoordinated.

DJs Brokenwindow, Jammatron, and Maxim Basa will be supplying the jams, unedited of course. Seigel is proud to note, "Hillsboro Skate World gave us the permission we needed in order to play the most vulgar, offensive, explicit and bootyful traxxx, so if you must have expectations for the Bass Skate, expect a lot of ass and titties." ELLIOTT ADAMS

Hillsboro Skate World, 4395 SE Witch Hazel Rd, Hillsboro, 640-1333, Saturday, 11:30 pm-2:30 am, $7