Free Fishin' Weekend

Sensitive souls like you and I don't hunt anymore because the sad look in Bambi's big brown eyes breaks our tender little hearts! And I won't even go into the adverse psychological effects of puppy bow hunting. The good news? Killin' fish is still a fun outdoors activity, and relatively guilt-free.

Even if fish do look you in the eye, it's as if they say, "You're right. I am an ugly yet tasty thing. Go ahead and hook my mouth, whack me on the head with a monkey wrench, and scoop out my guts with a spoon. I deserve it!" Besides, isn't it high time you bring some food to the table that doesn't have a corporate logo on it?

During Oregon Department of Fish & Wildlife's FREE FISHING WEEKEND, June 7-8, it's easier than ever to log a little old-fashioned killin' time without spending precious brew bucks on expensive licenses or equipment.

But, before you clean the useless crap out your tackle box and strap on your lucky old beer-bong fishing hat, keep in mind that although no licenses or tags are needed during Free Fishing Weekend, all other regulations still apply; including following bag limits and size restrictions. Check out a copy of the 2003 Sport fishing regulations (no charge at Fred Meyer and sporting goods shops) before you go.

During Free Fishing Weekend, there are over 50 official event sites scattered throughout Oregon, many of which provide loaner rods and reels, tackle, bait, and straight-faced volunteers on-hand to assist you with those annoying monofilament tangles and errant hooks stuck through your eyelids (as per my cousin Jerry).

If you hate kids, take a pass on the event sites, bring your own tackle, and seek out a private fishing hole to avoid the crowds. It's like having two free days of legal poaching! JOHN DOOLEY

For more information on event sites locations, contact Oregon Department of Fish & Wildlife's Aquatic and Angler Education Program staff at 503-872-5264, extension 5366.

VelodrOMe Ball

It's good to know that someone out there is looking out for you, tirelessly fighting for your rights as a bicyclist. Just this past legislative session, for example, a coalition of callused and candy-assed car drivers pushed forward a handful of bills designed to put the squeeze on bicyclists. Like House Bill 3033, which would have handed over bike lanes near schools to soccer moms and dads, allowing them to park their SUVs smack dab in the bike lane! Not to worry, though; the Bicyclist Transportation Alliance (BTA), went down to Salem and screamed and shouted until legislators killed the bill.

Now it's time for a little payback (and to get off your banana seat and shake your toned booty). On Saturday, the BTA is hosting VelodrOMe Ball, a DANCE PARTY and fundraiser. Along for the ride will be DJ Aquaman, DJ Rafa, and DJ TomK. And, of course, a TRICYCLE RACE. All proceeds go towards the BTA's advocacy work and their educational programs that teach grade school kids about basic bike safety and repair. PHIL BUSSE

For more information about BTA, check out: The VelodrOMe Ball is Saturday, June 7 at Liminal, 403 NW 5th Ave, 9 pm to 2 am, $13.

S&M Class

You put your dildo in, you pull your dildo out, you put your dildo in, and you shake it all about! You do the hanky panky and you turn yourself around--that's what it's all about!

People, it's warm and time to cop all that beautiful skin flaunting on the streets these days. Sure, there's nothing wrong with pedestrian sex, but if you've got a few curiosities to satisfy, then here's the perfect thing: It's My Pleasure offers SEX CLASSES AND WORKSHOPS to explain everything you could possibly want to know about toys and techniques in a very mature, healthy environment.

These sexy, knowledgeable dames are happy to give you the lowdown on how to choose, use and care for all manner of apparatuses, try and succeed at anal sex, and unlock the age-old mysteries of female ejaculation! And this Friday's S&M 101 panel is an awesome opportunity to learn about some of the rougher stuff. A professional dominatrix and her lovely assistants teach you how to hurt so good safely and legally, choose your weapon(s), and even give you the chance to wield them. Don't forget your "safe word!" MARJORIE SKINNER

It's My Pleasure, 3106 NE 64th, 280-8080, Friday, June 6, 7 pm, $10 (call to pre-register)