Fast & Furious begins with a car chase/gasoline heist(!), then immediately cuts to a beach party, and then cuts to a frantic foot chase/shootout. It also features characters with names like "Fenix Rise," and a part where Vin Diesel threatens to crush some dude's head with a 600-pound engine, and another part where Vin Diesel studies a road's skid marks—effortlessly ascertaining who was driving, what kind of tires they had, and what sort of fuel injection they preferred.

I took my gearhead friend Jesse to see Fast & Furious because he knows a lot about cars—maybe even as much as Vin Diesel. (He also drives a 1970 Camaro, and when inside said Camaro, you feel like driving through a brick wall at 140 MPH, just to show that stupid wall what's what.) Also, Jesse claims Fast & Furious star Michelle Rodriguez once hit on him, "poolside in Los Angeles." I cannot verify this.

During F&F, Jesse and I thrilled to the epic tale of daring outlaw Dominic Toretto (Vin Diesel), who, along with his boring frenemy Brian O'Conner (Paul Walker), uses his driving skillz to bust a drug lord. Or something. Frankly, I'm not sure, because I was too caught up in the cartoony car chases, not to mention impressed with the way director Justin Lin moves his camera over nitrous tanks and women's asses with equal affection. (Meanwhile, Jesse was stoked because Vin Diesel uses a Camaro to kill somebody.) On the way home, as we revved past some stupid suckers who were putzing along in a Prius or some shit, Jesse added, "And that blown, fuel-injected Charger was fucking awesome, too!" Agreed.