Adam
A "heartfelt romantic comedy" about some dude with Asperger's. Awww. Fox Tower 10.

Bandslam
A teenybopper music flick starring Vanessa Hudgens, Lisa Kudrow, and (wait for it...) David Bowie. Various Theaters.

Classic Concerts: Love Me, Love Me
Concert footage of the Smiths, the Cure, My Bloody Valentine, Tears for Fears, Joy Division, and more. Don't forget your guyliner! Clinton Street Theater.

Died Young, Stayed Pretty
See review this issue. Cinema 21.

recommended District 9
A weird, brilliant, brutal, and gorgeous science-fiction film. It's inventive and surprising and disarmingly unique, and it's one of those too-rare films that's both relentlessly entertaining and also has something to say. It's the sort of story you won't be able to stop thinking about afterward, and, not to build it up too much or get embarrassingly hyperbolic, but goddamn—in a whole lot of ways, this thing feels like a game-changer. ERIK HENRIKSEN Various Theaters.

Drive Thru Australia 2
Surfing porn. Clinton Street Theater.

Empty Nest
Alas, this is not the long-awaited feature film version of the Golden Girls spinoff starring Richard Mulligan and David Leisure. No, this nostalgic drama from Argentina examines "memories and how they are created." THANKS FOR NOTHING, ARGENTINA. Hollywood Theatre.

recommended Evangelion: 1.0 You Are (Not) Alone
See review this issue. Living Room Theaters.

Finding Face
A documentary about Tat Marina, a Cambodian woman who was disfigured with nitric acid. Using Marina's experience, Portland filmmakers Skye Fitzgerald and Patti Duncan examine acid attacks in Cambodia "as both a human rights issue and a gender-specific form of violence." Director Skye Fitzgerald in attendance. Northwest Film Center's Whitsell Auditorium.

G.I. Joe: The Rise of Cobra
Here is the situation: Channing Tatum is the Best Soldier in the World Ever. When a couple of warheads filled with magical, metal-eating "nanomites" (invented by Cobra Commander Joseph Gordon-Levitt) are stolen (also by Cobra Commander Joseph Gordon-Levitt), Tatum falls in with a special clan of underground fighty wax figurines called G.I. Joes. The rest of the movie goes like this: "Once unleashed, the nanomites will not stop. EVER." "Come on! We gotta get in this fight!" "Don't make me shoot a woman." "Oh my god. They're going to use him to weaponize the warheads." "Try this on for size, boys." "Zey're going to detonate one of ze war'eads at ze Eiffel Tower!" Robot fish, medieval flashback, 11 seconds of Brendan Fraser, a plane that only speaks Celtic, a dash of Face/Off, a buttload of Star Wars, aaaaaaaaand we're done. LINDY WEST Various Theaters.

The Goods: Live Hard, Sell Hard
The Goods: Live Hard, Sell Hard doesn't quite make the sale, but really, the movie doesn't act like it's trying very hard. It's more or less a series of gags strung along against the backdrop of a Temecula, California, used car lot, where Don Ready (Jeremy Piven) and his crew arrive to help poor Mr. Selleck (James Brolin) sell some cars. This is the first feature directed by Neal Brennan, a veteran of Chappelle's Show, and this movie possesses some of that infamous sketch show's fearless irreverence. But the little that Brennan makes work here, including a funny Will Ferrell cameo, only emphasizes that The Goods feels like a sketch padded out to feature length. NED LANNAMANN Various Theaters.

The Inglorious Bastards
See My, What a Busy Week!, pg. 11. Clinton Street Theater.

recommended Inglourious Basterds
See review this issue. Various Theaters.

recommended Julie & Julia
More or less entirely delightful, Julie & Julia has a pretty foolproof formula: It's a movie based on a popular book that's based on a popular blog that, in turn, was inspired by America's most popular chef. And the master of the chick flick, Nora Ephron, directs the thing, and Meryl Streep plays Julia Child, and Amy Adams plays Julie Powell, the New Yorker who decided to blog about cooking all 524 recipes in Child's Mastering the Art of French Cooking in a year. Despite the fact that, bewilderingly, not a single person in the film notes the endless comedic potential of the oft-repeated phrase "boning a duck," Julie & Julia is still entertaining, enjoyable, and good-hearted throughout. ERIK HENRIKSEN Various Theaters.

Kings of the Road
A doc about the Portland Buckaroos, the Portland hockey team that used to play in the then-brand-new-and-not-all-crappy-like-it-is-now Memorial Coliseum. Director Dan Schaefer in attendance. Northwest Film Center's Whitsell Auditorium.

recommended Ponyo
A loose retelling of "The Little Mermaid," Ponyo is reportedly the final film of legendary Japanese animator Hayao Miyazaki. It isn't quite the masterwork one would hope he'd go out on—there's nothing quite as amazing here as the stuff in Princess Mononoke, Spirited Away, or My Neighbor Totoro—but even when Miyazaki isn't at the top of his game, his stuff's still pretty great, and anybody watching Ponyo won't be disappointed. ERIK HENRIKSEN Various Theaters.

Post Grad
That one chick from Gilmore Girls in a movie about life after college graduation. (Fingers crossed she says witty things very quickly!) Hit portlandmercury.com on Friday, August 21 for our review. Various Theaters.

The Quantum Activist
A documentary about "consciousness and the New Science," in which theoretical nuclear physicist Dr. Amit Goswami "shares with viewers his vision of the unlimited potential of consciousness as the ground of all being." ALERT. ALERT. BULLSHIT DETECTED. Filmmakers in attendance for a post-screening Q&A. Living Room Theaters.

Séraphine
I didn't know who Séraphine de Senlis was at the start of this biopic, but I quickly deduced she was an actual person by the movie's ponderous, presumptuous tone. A devoutly religious maid who compulsively painted in her spare time, Séraphine was discovered in the French countryside by German art dealer Wilhelm Uhde, but then World War I broke out and she languished for years in poverty and obscurity, slowly going mental. The photography of Séraphine's paintings is genuinely gorgeous, but the script is stuffy, and the movie feels like a harangue. NED LANNAMANN Cinema 21.

Shorts
See review this issue. Various Theaters.

recommended Stunt Rock
The Northwest Film Center boasts that this "cinematic abomination" is "unfathomably entertaining" as it tells the story of a stuntman who advises the rock band Sorcery (who play themselves) in a "rock opera duel between the King of the Wizards and the Prince of Darkness." Hotel de Luxe.

recommended Taxidermia
Ohholyshitwasthatevergross! Hungarian director György Pálfi, best known for 2002's gentle and slightly macabre Hukkle, goes absolutely full-out bizarro here, crafting a monument to bodily glop that might make even Cronenberg reach for the Sprite and Saltines. The plot, what there is of it, focuses on three men in severe biological situations (one speed overeats, one has a thing for embalmed cats, the other... um, pees fire), but rapidly digresses into a series of hilariously random grotesqueries. Smart, sly, and pretty much unforgettable, especially during the bits that you'd probably rather forget. Strongly recommended... I think. ANDREW WRIGHT Northwest Film Center's Whitsell Auditorium.

Thirst
See review this issue. Fox Tower 10.

The Time Traveler's Wife
The Time Traveler's Wife has been described as a meeting between science fiction and romance, but it's best not to look for many plausible explanations or a love story that isn't tainted by ultra-creepy undercurrents here. MARJORIE SKINNER Various Theaters.

X Games 3D: The Movie
The X Games... now made even more X-TREME! Various Theaters.