Hey, tough guy! Think nothing could possibly make Denzel Washington more awesome? Well, how about the ability to TRAVEL through TIME? And how about the ability to travel through time while engaging in witty patter with hilarious Hebrew Adam Goldberg? And how about if he also has a HEART OF GOLD?
Did I just kick your mind in the junk, or what?
Your mind might want to bust out the chain mail panties (junk-protection, you see) for the totally silly, totally exciting Déjà Vu, in which Denzel plays Doug Carlin, star agent of the never-before-interesting Department of Alcohol, Tobacco, and Firearms.
It's Mardi Gras in New Orleans, and a party ferry—loaded with crisp, white American sailors, with brides and babies in tow—blows up, to the tune of 543 casualties. With the help of a secret government "surveillance" team (led by Val Kilmer's fat face—so puffy!), Carlin tracks down the culprit: one mopey, not-so-subtly emasculated psycho named Carroll Oerstadt (James "Jesus" Caviezel), a McVeigh-style superpatriot who believes that "sometimes a little human collateral is the cost of freedom." Freedom from what? Doesn't matter! Denzel's boutsta travel through TIIIIIIIIIIME!
Well, kinda. It seems the U.S. government has managed to invent a time machine (though, as some brief but gut-churning Ninth Ward footage shows, it's still unable to build a Fix-a-Black-Person's-House Machine), but the thing can only go back exactly 4 days and 6 hours.
That might be just enough time for Carlin to change the course of history. But how, you ask? Déjà Vu, like any good time-travel movie—and perhaps more than any other time-travel movie—likes its science vague and preposterous. Why waste time with the details? "Worm hole!" somebody says. "Fold space!" explains another. "Send me back!" orders Denzel. Fuck yeah! Who invited science to the movies, anyway?