The economy is falling apart, you spent Valentine's Day alternately crying and masturbating, and you just found out that you were adopted. My life, on the other hand, is all kittens and high fives! Want to be more like me? Here's a tip to ease your suffering: Buy Street Fighter IV. Period. Exclamation mark. (Tilde?)

I swear I tried to temper my excitement for this game by trying to find some kind of salient flaw in its design—but there's nothing there, man! I've been sitting here for two hours hoping I'd be able to recall some minuscule reason you might dislike Capcom's latest virtual pugilism foray, and the best I can come up with is "If you're a rampant pacifist, you might abhor the violence." But I know you. That's not your thing. You've been a fan of Chun-Li's insane kicks and Ryu's Hadoukens since Street Fighter II.

Yeah, maybe the added complexity of Street Fighter III and the fact that it wasn't widely available turned you off from the franchise—but Street Fighter IV ditches all of that baggage. While it's got a glossy coat of paint and all the modern accoutrements (online play and gorgeous 3D graphics, for example), this game is essentially the perfectly balanced experience you fell for back in the early '90s.

So why buy it if it's the same Street Fighter Capcom's been pushing since you were in junior high? Think of it like this: Every man needs at least one suit in his wardrobe, yeah? For weddings and funerals and mitzvahs (both bar and bat)? This game is that kind of staple.

Wait! I thought of a reason not to get it! Okay, let's say—hypothetically—you adore the work of Raul Julia. From Othello to The Addams Family, you followed his work like John Hinckley watching Taxi Driver. Driven to the brink by his untimely death in 1994, you blamed the recently released Street Fighter movie for taking your hero from this world.

Maybe if you're that dude, you'll hate it. If you're anybody else, you'll totally dig SFIV.