THE TO DO LIST Finally, a movie that can double as erotic Parks and Recreation fanfic.

THE HEROINE of The To Do List, Brandy Klark (Aubrey Plaza) is a nerdy virgin in Boise, Idaho in 1993, i.e., totally mired in lameness. Realizing that she is awesome at everything except sex, Brandy makes it her mission to get all sorts of freaky before leaving for college. In the pre-internet days, Brandy isn't sure what a pearl necklace is, but she knows she wants one. Lucky for her, she's snagged a summer job at the pool, where everybody is nearly naked, and poorly hidden boners are always just a belly flop away.

As far from prudish as I am, I spent the first half of this movie in extreme discomfort at the excessive bizarro-Porky's raunch. Also, there were too many cheap '90s gags, and all of the actors were distractingly old for their roles. It all felt gimmicky and weird.

But then, something clicked, and I loved it.

I would have metaphorically fellated this movie when I was 16 years old. Hot chicks loving themselves and saying dirty shit?! Yes, please! I am jealous of present-day high school girls who can feel inspired by the sex-loving, self-loving girl power at play here. As Brandy foreplayed her way through the pool staff, nobody said she was gross, she never hated her body, and she never apologized for her experiences. Get it, girl. Go on. Get it alllll.  

More special than discovering uncircumcised dicks (could there be such a thing?) are the relationships between the women of this film (played, in addition to Plaza, by Arrested Development's Alia Shawkat, The O.C.'s Rachel Bilson, and Friday Night Lights' Connie Britton). While they're almost always talking about dudes, they aren't talking about pleasing dudes; they talk about their own wants, and pleasing themselves.

In closing, I demand an immediate slumber party with Aubrey, Alia, Rachel, and Conz. Anybody with a good "OMG, THAT'S JIZZ?!?!" story is invited. That is probably all of you.