Ha, ha, ha! I can't believe it! Look at that ugly monkey! He's got, like, the biggest freaking nose I've ever seen. Wow. I mean, I've seen some ass-ugly monkeys in my day, but that one takes the cake. It's like a normal monkey sneezed so hard its stomach flew out its nostrils. HA! I mean, I don't know if there's a God in heaven, but WOW. He seriously fucked shit up when it came to making that monkey. Jesus... I gotta stop looking at that ugly monkey--I think I'm gonna be sick. Quick! Get this ugly mother out of my face and get me some boobs to look at! Ha-Ha! Whoo-whee! That is one uh-uh-ugly monkey!

Additional reporting by Jack Lansing