GLEE: THE 3D CONCERT MOVIE Well, this is unfortunate.

LOOK, YOU ALREADY KNOW if you're a Glee fan or not. What's interesting, though, is that Glee has also generated a legion of "half-fans" like myself. Half-fans appreciate that Glee is the most politically subversive show on network television, one that makes Will & Grace look like The 700 Club. Half-fans also appreciate the wickedly brilliant one-liners, as well as breakout characters such as megalomaniac cheerleading coach Sue Sylvester (Jane Lynch), the delightfully dim Brittany (Heather Morris), aaaand... that's about it. The list of grievances half-fans have against Glee is significantly longer, but can be boiled down thusly: (1) the show's goal of inclusiveness, while certainly laudable, is about as subtle as a rhinoceros with diarrhea, (2) they allow too many old white people to rap, and (3) sometimes Gwyneth Paltrow guest stars. (A near deal breaker by itself.)

Therefore the question is "Can a Glee half-fan enjoy Glee: The 3D Concert Movie?" Well... let's put it this way: If you're a half-fan, you may almost very nearly enjoy half of it—and the rest will be more terrible than you could possibly imagine. The concert was filmed during the aggressively enthusiastic Glee Live! In Concert! summer tour, which is basically a greatest hits revue of the songs they've covered on the show, from Journey's "Don't Stop Believin'" through any number of numbers from Katy Perry.

The good news: There's ABSOLUTELY no Mr. Schuester or Sue Sylvester in sight (focusing on the kids was probably a good choice—no old white guys rapping!). More good news: There's a couple of great songs from the dreamy Darren Criss and his Warblers, and most of all, there's plenty of Brittany, including her fucking A-MAY-ZING (and improved!) re-creation of Britney Spears' "I'm a Slave 4 U," which I watched in sexually aroused awe while wishing it would never end—mainly because I knew something terrible was on the horizon. And I was right.

The bad news: Much like in the show, some of the best singers are marginalized (Hello, Mercedes and Kurt), while others are given WAY too much screen time (Hello, not actually handicapable Artie). Nevertheless, every character is trotted out in predictable succession singing their predictable songs, leaving you feeling stuck in the middle of an interminable karaoke fest (with no alcohol). Worst of all: GWYNETH PALTROW MAKES A GUEST APPEARANCE in an entirely horrible sequence that instantly turns into the mental equivalent of being repeatedly kicked in the balls by a furious donkey. Forget it, half-fans. That's a deal breaker.