Illustration by Kalah Allen

In recent conversations with my girlfriends, a question about men has been brought to the table: Why don't you dudes like, or want, to make out? The non-kissing penis kindred are on the rise, and I don't quite understand it. Do you dudes not realize that sucking face leads to sex? Frequent sex? Kissing makes your penis hard. Long kissing sessions tell your brain that it's okay to finally make decisions with the little guy acting as your commanding officer. This is your moment. Kissing is your moment. It's not just one girlfriend bitching about not getting any lip love. It's seriously every woman I talk to who has this same complaint. Dudes in the beginning want to kiss, I hear that. But a few weeks in, your non-kissing, bland-in-bed true colors start to show. These women I'm talking about are pumas, too. On a scale from one to 10, their blowjobs are at least a seven, and you don't cheers them with first base first? Women want to jump from the highest point, and all you're allowing them to do is jump off a curb.—Anonymous