Please do not knock on my door and harass my housemate because my car has been parked in your favorite spot for 24 hours while I am meanwhile riding my bike/the bus and generally enjoying life/living moderately sustainably. Please do not threaten to call the city to have my car marked as abandoned*; there's practically enough parking space on the block for a Miley Cyrus tour crew. Please also get a grip. It's PUBLIC STREET PARKING. If you feel proprietary about the special space you park your vehicle, graciously get a house with a garage in Beaverton—I'm sure there are plenty of opportunities to power trip in the suburbs. Or, you know, pick up a social hobby other than being a jerk to your neighbors. Like karaoke or zoo bombing or trivia night or whatever. This is Portland for crying out loud.—Anonymous


* "An abandoned vehicle is defined by City Code as one that is illegally stored, in excess of 24 hours, on the street AND IN ADDITION, EITHER: Does not display valid license plates, OR appears inoperative, disabled, wrecked, or dismantled."