Illustration by Kalah Allen

We've been roommates for well over a year and a half, and shortly after I moved in, I expressed an interest in you. You promptly denied me, but that didn't mean that I suddenly stopped liking you. It's hard living with the woman you're infatuated with... and I've talked with our other roommates about this and they've all pretty much told me to move on. But, how can I? I've taken to masturbating when I know you're in the shower. Not only that, but when it's my turn to do the laundry, I put all of my "pleasure rags" in with the load, wash it all on cold, and dry it on low. This way, I know there is a residual amount of my "love honey" that has thoroughly saturated your clothing. I know it's immature, but I gotta admit that it turns me on. When we interact, it's an amazing secret to have. I would be a good boyfriend if you only gave me the chance, but no, you won't. I know it's dumb and I'm going stop it soon, but it's the only way I can feel close to you.—Anonymous