Illustration by Kalah Allen

I went to the movies this weekend to watch 22 Jump Street because it was highly recommended here in the Portland Mercury. When the fucking baby tantrum did shit get so expensive? I can't just pay 50 cents for a cup of ice water? I have to buy the cup at regular price (which you buy for pennies in bulk) regardless of what's in it? And don't get me started on popcorn. It's a turned-inside-out kernel of fucking corn, for shit's sake, and it's $5.50 for a medium? Oh, but I can upgrade to a large and triple the amount of popcorn I get for only a dollar? If this is how the economic system has adjusted, then I should be able to take this discount structure to my doctor and get two C titties for the price of one double D at my breast augmentation consult coming up. But I can't! It shouldn't be highway robbery. Highway robbery is when you need something and no other place has it for 150 miles. Stick to the fucking rules.—Anonymous