Illustration by Kalah Allen

We HATE you. I speak for every restaurant employee in the Pearl District who has ever worked a First Thursday. If this is your idea of a good time then you are an asshole, no exceptions. You order a disgusting drink and complain it doesn't taste right. You act like you have no idea how to pay for your drinks or open a tab. You spend two minutes waving me down like I am some rickshaw driver, waste my time deciding on which drink is cheapest, then spend a minute assembling a little pile of pennies and nickels for a tip after ordering a round of drinks you can't afford. You spend 10 minutes harassing me about how I lost your credit card when in fact you gave it to another server, who you later describe as "the Chinese one." Nice. She is Spanish. You order yourself the wrong drink, and then blame me for it. You accuse me of misleading you when you "accidentally" order $100 worth of shots. You eat out of the garnish tray. You dress like an idiot or a slut, and you are. I can tell you are amateurs when you spill your cocaine in the bathroom. Don't think I am talking about everyone but YOU. That is a sure sign it is YOU. We HATE you.-Anonymous