Illustration by Kalah Allen

Dear John—Having my life reduced to selling my punany on 82nd in order to make ends meet has made my rules of the road quite lenient, to say the least. It's okay to fuck me up the ass for an extra $20, twist my nipples like you are turning on a goddamned radio station, and slobber all over and come on my tits. But it is not okay to flag me down when you have your fucking infant strapped in a car seat in the back of your minivan. I have had guys reach into a diaper bag to clean up splooge, and one guy even tried to use a breast pump bag for a condom. Tacky, yes, but hey—who am I to judge? But it is never okay to hire a ho when you have your kid in the car. Thanks for letting me know I have not reached the bottom of the food chain.-Anonymous