Illustration by Kalah Allen

Did I hurt your feelings when I erupted into gales of un-restrainable laughter at the sight of you spanging outside of my work WHILE USING A LAPTOP? What was particularly great about that sight was the implication that you not only completely lacked shame, but that you were wholly without a sense of irony as well. Had you any particle of self-respect, autonomy, or DIY cred, you would have sold that laptop way long before abasing yourself by openly begging. My derisive cackling drove you off, but, unsurprisingly, you left a big pile of soggy trash behind for ME to clean up. And to top off this delicious spectacle of abysmal degeneracy, you also left behind a fair amount of spare change in your trash. So, you didn't even want the money you were begging for? It was hilarious enough a few years ago to see you privileged bourgeois poseurs begging for change while sporting hundreds of dollars of tattoo work and fancy boots. Then I thought beggars with cell phones were the ultimate possible extent of shamelessness. But a laptop? Damn. You really represent the lowest point to which it is possible to sink. The only thing worse than you is the deluded scum who give you money.—Anonymous