Thank you for letting me stay at your house for the past four months; I know it's been rough on all of us. You just got married last summer and I didn't expect to be temporarily homeless and living on your couch, but here we are. Overall, it's been a pleasant stay, though there have been moments of tension. I've tried to stay out of your way and do what I can around your house. I've walked your dog daily, picked up its poop, washed dishes, scrubbed the toilet. I can likely never repay you for your hospitality and friendship. That being said... I've also masturbated countless times in your shower, smelled your wife's underwear and then rubbed them against me, snuck into your bedroom and laid naked on your bed while you were out, and eavesdropped several times on your lovemaking. It was good times all around and I'm a tiny bit sad to be moving out next week. Thanks again!—Anonymous
The views expressed in these submissions are from anonymous, unverified sources and do not necessarily represent those of the Portland Mercury.