We were having a party at our house, a really great one. It was really fun getting drunk with you and your girlfriend, and even more fun choosing sides when you guys exploded into a rage about some stupid, melodramatic shit. Everyone really loved the fight you had in the kitchen, which was the perfect arena, being the exact center of the house and the pathway to everything important (beer/bathroom/make-out basement). To top it off, all the girls went upstairs to console your girlfriend after you called her an idiot and she ran off to cry in MY room. That, coincidentally, was the moment all my friends left, which left me with you and your weepy stories about "how hard you try." I was hoping you two would just break up that night, but instead I found you headed off to bed together 20 minutes later like there had never been any party-killing fight. In a blind fury, I drank seven beers and took a piss on you and your dumbshit girlfriend—all over your bed—almost hoping to get caught, but you two are such pussy drinkers that you slept right through it. A few days later you told me your girlfriend had wet the bed and refused to admit it that night. I suggested that maybe she had done it to get back at you for starting the fight. You believed my theory. You broke up with her. You are an idiot.—Anonymous
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