Illustration by Kalah Allen

To all the rude, lazy, arrogant assholes everywhere: I DO NOT WANT TO BE YOUR FUCK BUDDY! I know it must come as a shock to you, but I have no interest in being used by you at your convenience. If you have no interest in getting to know me as a human being, then STAY THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME! Don't think that just because I talked to you at Last Thursday or at a show that I want you so bad I will go back to the filthy shithole you share with six other slobs and fuck you all night. Don't call me drunk from a bar and ask me to meet up with you (and your buddies) for a beer. I am not going to show up at your pen with a sixer in 15 minutes just because you text me. Don't even think about trying to sext me asking for a sexy pic the day after we meet. YOU ARE A SLEAZEBAG, YOU DON'T GOT IT LIKE THAT WITH ME. If you can't put any effort into a relationship or even dating, stick to trolling Craigslist casual encounters or pay a hooker.—Anonymous