Kalah Allen
I Will NOT Be Your Valentine

So I received a beautiful set of wineglasses with my initials engraved on them--man, you are one sick bitch! Why would a 34-year-old GAY man be interested in a 54-year-old fat woman? You must be drinking moonshine, baby, 'cuz if you don't see what's in the mirror, you are blind. I've had it with your four daily phone calls, the dumbest emails anyone has ever composed, and your moon-eyed gaze of adoration. And the letter accompanying the wineglasses made me downright nervous. "You are the only man I have ever loved this much." What the fuck??? I am a cold bastard to everyone, especially you! You are the most oppressive, annoying slag I have ever met. At least I know if I see you and run the other way, your fat ass won't be able to catch me. Oh, and the wineglasses? My fuck buddy happens to have the same initials I do, and he gladly took them off of my handsÉ after coming over and pounding me the other nightÉ in the ASS! FUCK OFF!--Anonymous