I know the economy is tough right now, but please stop stealing my BBQs. I just got a rad used grill/smoker—potentially the best BBQ I have ever had. It was real crusty and filled with grease, so I spent two hours scraping all the crud out of it. I then left the grill tops next to my house, where they remained for a day. Last night they were stolen, along with the door to the smoker box. This is the THIRD time something like this has happened! A year ago someone jacked my Weber. A little after that I caught a woman walking out of my backyard with my roommate's BBQ and I said, "Hey, that's my BBQ," and she put it down and left. So today I called the scrap yard to see if I could find my components and they said it was near impossible. They also said one would get 12 cents per pound of iron. You just fucked my 'Q for a buck-50, asshole! Me and my BBQ crew were gonna celebrate the new 'Q this weekend with some smoked ribs, but now I just want to smoke your face.—Anonymous