To my idiotic American hippie "friends": FUCK YOU. You like my dreads? FUCK OFF!! My hair does it naturally, unlike yours. Lemme guess—you used mayonnaise, pigeon farts, and regurgitated camel vomit to create those stringy gross things on your head, right? What, I'm supposed to think that because you talk really softly and drink chai tea, or weave your own pubes into safety nets to save drowning baby unicorns, or grow your own genetically tampered tomatoes in your backyard, that you're the shit? I came from a third-world nation, motherfucker! We all had chickens and vegetable gardens! I had to fight tooth and nail to get here. The fuck do you know about fighting tooth and nail? Don't you DARE use the fact that we both have dreadlocks to try and be my "brother." Just because I have dark skin and an accent, don't try and snow me with your wannabe intellectual techo-babble. It seriously makes me wanna eat your dogs and shove your hummingbird jizz-coated dreadlocks, your crystals, singing bowls, visas, passports, drums, guitars, and Tibetan prayer flags so far up your pasty pimply ass you shit rainbow gatherings for a decade.—I, Anonymous