Illustration by Kalah Allen

Whoever lived in my house before me appears to have fed a big-ass raccoon, probably regularly. I know this because there is a homemade "nest" in my backyard tree and other evidence that he was welcome here. I continued the tradition, and have grown fond of "Buddy." Then you two moved in next door at the beginning of summer and worked on renovating your new house for months. I had no idea that you had gotten chickens recently, honestly. I would have warned you about Buddy. The other night I was up late and I heard something that sounded like a catfight. It wasn't. It was worse. I went outside and heard a smaller-sounding thing screaming, and then I saw Buddy running along the fence top with a bloody bird in his mouth. Then I realized, fuck telling you about Buddy. You didn't check in with me and see if I was down with you guys having chickens. But, should you read this, you might want to house that goat overnight.—Anonymous