DEAR MERCURY—Standing in the way of crucial infrastructure like the CRC [Columbia River Crossing] for "environmental concerns" or whatever damn fool nonsense Rich Rogers thinks is so principled is like trying to pick the rotten grass out of a load of cow shit ["Road to Nowhere," Letters, Dec 17, 2009]. We are not solving global warming or markedly improving our air by all this silly dickering about number of lanes or tolls. It's just feel-good stupidity that makes us liberals look like fools.
HEY PORTLAND MERCURY—I have to say, I really enjoyed the recent article "The Name of the Law" by Matthew Vollono [Feature, Dec 10, 2009]. I loved the black sense of humor and the descriptive details. The angry mother punching numbers on her cell phone and using improper English, the weird guy late at night cutting the tree branch, and the man who walks out to dump trash, oblivious to his wife and stepdaughter battling it out on the front lawn with the police—these details were priceless. This article was also fair regarding police issues. It's not an easy job, and I appreciated that attitude of fairness and essential respect being observed, but what made the article really enjoyable was the very "Portland-esque" weirdness of the urban descriptions of our very own losers and freaks.
DEAR MERCURY—My wife and I stumbled upon your article about Art Alexakis while sitting in Hot Wings, waiting for our food to come ["The Most Hated Musician in Portland," Music, Nov 19, 2009]. As my wife stated that there was an article in there about Art, I immediately proclaimed, "That guy is such a dick." She started laughing hysterically, as apparently she read the first sentence of the article at the same time. [First sentence: "Art Alexakis is a dick."] Quite a few years ago I had the most unfortunate fortune to finally meet the lead singer of one of my (ex) favorite bands. I don't quite remember if it was at the 2nd Annual Snowjob at Mt. Hood Meadows, or if it was just another day of riding for my friends and me. A buddy and I were waiting for another friend to come out of the main lodge so we could leave, and as I stood there I noticed a woman with a bit too much to carry. We politely offered to help her carry her gear down to her SUV. She was most grateful for the help, and thanked us multiple times. I do not remember her exact words, but it was something like, "Oh, would you like to meet my husband? He is Art Alexakis from Everclear." Oh boy would I, as I am clearly sure we had listened to a few tracks from So Much for the Afterglow on our drive up that day. As he walked around the side of the SUV, with big smiles on our faces (we were 16 or so at the time) we all said hi and I put my hand out and said, "It's so cool to meet you, I'm a huge fan." There was no reply from Art, his hand stayed at his side, and he didn't even offer so much as a shrug or a smile, just a quick glance. It only took him a few seconds to carelessly toss everything in the back, his wife apologized as he turned his back to us and walked away. If anyone is interested, I know for a fact you can find a used copy of So Much for the Afterglow along Highway 26, 20 or so yards from the road....
DEAR MERCURY—Hey Mercury, what the fuck?? This week, I turn to one of my favorite sections in your fine publication, and what do I see?? No more Thingpart or Slow Wave [Fun Page, Dec 17, 2009]! What's up with that?? There was no warning that they would be leaving. And to top things off, the comic you replaced them with sucks [Techno Tuesday]! Bring them back! Unless the artists quit, then that's just a damn shame....
ZACK, THINGS CHANGE. And while we really think you should roll with it, we're giving you the letter of the week so you can dry your eyes with two tickets to the Laurelhurst and sob into your soup with a lunch at No Fish! Go Fish!