RE: "No Matching Results" [Film, June 5], in which Ned Lannamann gives an unfavorable review of the new film The Internship.
NED [LANNAMANN]—I wrote about 150 film reviews for various San Francisco papers, made a small CBS film, founded/directed a successful international film festival, and years ago, studied filmmaking. Your review on The Internship really sucks on several levels. What makes you think anyone cares about your sarcastic life observations about the kind of dude you are, or your politics about Google? You need to understand that you wasted a large paragraph on you, and you're just not that interesting. Finally, when you get down to reviewing or criticizing the film, we learn nothing about the film. It is inauthentic because you substitute really dull sarcasm for a lack of filmmaking knowledge. I studied the audience as the credits came on. People were shit grinned. They lacked [sic] the film. Why is that? You lack the acumen to understand why and who the film was made for. You're not alone. Other reviews and food reviews are written by writers who tell you why Portland makes their erections so hard, why this little town is so awesome. It's like looking at a conformist tattoo of the same New Zealand warrior arm tattoo on a nerd.
RE: Fluoride, and the Mercury's annual Queer Issue [June 12]. But mainly fluoride.
I will never read your biased rag again. In all the space you devote to the legalization of gay marriage, you never once mention the numerous scientific studies proving that gay people are made entirely of chemical compounds and are a byproduct of heterosexual sex. You also fail to note that absolute proof does not exist that gay marriage will not aggravate my autoimmune disease and various mental issues.
RE: Portland as Fuck, comedian Ian Karmel's weekly column.
DEAR MERCURY—The column Portland as Fuck has turned into an expanded I, Anonymous by a privileged white guy who lives in a bubble and doesn't at all represent Portland. Actually, it's always been so, and it's not "Portland as Fuck," it's reprehensible, and so is this paper for publishing this garbage.
RE: "Jocks" [Portland as Fuck, June 12], in which author Ian Karmel expresses his dislike of a certain type of aggressive cyclist.
My favorite is when said jock is in jock attire traveling at high speeds while riding with no hands on the handlebars. That's kinda the same as someone driving a car standing up with their head poking out of the sunroof. We never see that. Why? Because it's fucking stupid, that's why. Bicyclists (not all) are the worst, and the reason I say this is because you never see ghost cars.
posted by Munch
There's also a "bicycle body"—it's the reverse of the guy who would only do upper body and never legs—it's someone with buff legs and a wet noodle upper body, and it's very common in Portland.
posted by Yinzer V
RE: Portland's notoriously challenged dating scene.
HELLO—There seems to be a real over-60s man shortage in this town for women of the same age. Vietnam took away a lot of men our age and it seems as if any least bit interesting man I meet is married. Most decent places to go to hear non-teenager music and have a glass of wine or beer and mingle with others seem so strictly under-50. Do they not want over-60s single women to arrive in droves? Maybe we don't look so hot anymore, but neither do the guys—it's no longer the point. A lot of the young kids look way worse than us. How do I find hangouts for the older hipsters? I'm not nuts or sex crazy but have a feeling there probably are decent places a single woman my age could go to meet interesting men in civilized surroundings: Take a poll and let us know.
WELL, YOU HEARD the lady. Suggestions, please! And while you're waiting, Anonymous, we'll give you two tickets to the Laurelhurst Theater, but you should probably save them for a second date-type thing.