DEAR MERCURY—In your September 1, 2011 edition you printed a letter from Lukas Sherman in which he stated, "To review, apes and monkeys, while both primates, are not the same." The terms "monkey" and "ape" have absolutely no scientific meaning; they're bullshit terms created by the same asinine taxonomists who gave us the terms "negroid," "caucasoid," and "mongoloid." He should have said, "To review, both hominoid simians and non-hominoid simians, while both simians, are not the same." Before casting aspersions on the scientific understanding of the chronically misinformed editorial staff of the Portland Mercury, it would serve one well to check that you have your own scientific knowledge in order.



I consider myself to be a "graffiti" artist, however I keep my art on skateboard decks, canvasses, and sheet metal ["Art vs. Vandalism," News, Sept 1, regarding the forced closure of Railyard gallery following a "street art-inspired" art show]. It absolutely astonishes me that instead of fighting graffiti as it is on the STREETS, these officers had nothing better to do than target a publicized event, housed WITHIN a building, and accuse the artists and gallery owners of being involved in illegal art done elsewhere on public property. It is high time for illegal street art and MODERN GRAFFITI-STYLED art to be defined and divided. There are much more stringent issues that the police could be focusing on, rather than squashing a form of artistic expression and freedom of speech.

-posted by UrbanPirate


DEAR MR. PAUL CONSTANT—Should your life be directed by Wes Anderson, or produced by Judd Apatow ["Books without Borders," Feature, Sept 1, a first-person account of working at the corporate book chain]? Should you be played by Jesse Eisenberg, or Michael Cera? I am sorry you were so embarrassed by having a full-time job with benefits. It was so great when you handed out a zine about corporate greed when you quit. Reading your article I was overcome with a powerful emotion to shit in your mouth and punch you in the face. I temporarily became excited when someone committed suicide, hoping you would boldly go next. Like my favorite rich douchebag fairy tale Into the Wild, I wish you would go into the Alaskan wilderness and starve to death. You listen to the Decemberists but you are so Coldplay. 

-Colin Edward Fisher


Wear shoes when you make your next trip to the dumpster, moron ["Junk Prick," I, Anonymous, Sept 1, in which the author steps on a used hypodermic needle while taking out the trash]. The world is a dangerous place; always has been and always will be. Protecting yourself from the detritus of inconsiderate junkies in Southeast Portland (by wearing shoes to the dumpster) is one of the easier things you can do to keep yourself safe. Hell, you don't even have to tie the darn things if you don't want to (just try not to trip over the laces if you don't—those things can be tricky). Best of luck in all of your future garbage-taking-out endeavors.

-posted by Anonymous

THANKS TO ANONYMOUS for reminding us all of the dangers that come with everyday life (and to take out the trash). All very key. Anonymous will be rewarded with two tickets to the Laurelhurst Theater, where shoes and shirt are required.


In the article "The $1 Million Twitter Fight" [News, Aug 18], we incorrectly stated that Dr. Jerry Darm's Oregon license was suspended in 2001. In actuality, Dr. Darm voluntarily surrendered his California license and, after inappropriately touching a female patient, was reprimanded—not suspended—by the Oregon Board of Medical Examiners. We regret the error.