The main reason there are not more entries in this category is because playing professional sports is hard. While any athlete with a fat contract can drop some coin to record their crappy album, few known musicians can trade the microphone for a career in sports. But a few sure have tried:
Musician: Garth Brooks
Profession: Country Music Star
Athletic Description: Fat Baseball Player
Teams: San Diego Padres, New York Mets, and Kansas City Royals
Description: As a rotund country-rock legend, Brooks seems very unlikely to cross over into professional sports. Chiseled Tim McGraw maybe, but Brooks is a bit too flabby to con anyone into believing he's an athlete. Under the guise of his Touch 'Em All children's charity, (seriously, no more puns, people!), Brooks has spent spring training with three teams, as he foolishly clowns around the diamond, and seems winded by just watching the game on the field. Sadly, the Kansas City Royals, the worst baseball team of the past decade, could probably have used Garth in their weak lineup. Then again, maybe it's not Garth trying out for these teams after all, maybe it's that Chris Gaines fellow. Yeah, that's it.
Musician: Master P
Profession: Rapper
Athletic Description: Basketball Player
Teams: San Diego Stingrays, Fort Wayne Fury
Description: The one-time rap mogul, who went from $1,000,000 to $100, fancies himself a basketball player. His two tryouts for Charlotte Hornets and Toronto Raptors of the NBA ended almost immediately. Instead Master P was left to live out his hardwood dreams by serving time in the less-desirable IBL and CBA, neither of which found much success. Truth be told, there are no better words to eloquently describe P's hoops career than, "Ungggggghh, na-nah na-nah."
Musician: Lil' Romeo
Profession: Pint-Sized Rapper
Athletic Description: Pint-Sized Basketball Player
Teams: USC Trojans
Description: Master P, I owe you an apology. It turns out that there is some hoops talent in the Miller family, it's your son, Lil' Romeo. Percy Romeo Miller Jr. as he is not known on the streets, was recently offered a full ride from the very respectable basketball program at USC. There, the 5'11" guard will join high-school phenomenon OJ Mayo. Not many freshmen have a wake of platinum records behind them, but then again, not many have beef with Lil' Bow Wow either. I mean, I did as a freshman, but what Bow Wow and me got is personal.
Musician: Various
Profession: Various Musicians
Athletic Description: Could-Have-Been Superstars
Teams: None
Description: The only true thing about amateur sports—from Little League to semi-pro—is that those who played always lie about how good they actually were. A bum knee here and a bad break there are all that was standing in the way of these amateurs' professional dreams. This holds true with musicians as well. The Game claims he was a Compton street ball legend, and he did have a basketball scholarship to Washington State University. That doesn't make one a pro, by any means, but to hear the Game speak of his on-court ability, you'd have thought the sport was missing out on the Second Coming, who instead dedicated himself to aping generic gangsta rap and getting unfortunate tattoos. Canadian folk-rapper Buck 65 talks about his past as a baseball prospect scouted by the New York Yankees. His downfall? The scout who was pursuing him died, taking the rapper's baseball dreams with him.
Musician: Robert Pollard
Profession: Drunken Indie God
Athletic Description: Three-Sport Athlete
Teams: Wright State Raiders
Description: When not slaying Budweiser tall boys in Guided by Voices, Pollard was writing songs about slaying Budweiser tall boys in Guided by Voices. Possibly the most prolific songwriter in indie history, Pollard used to be just as busy in the fields of sports. A younger, thinner Pollard was a three-sport athlete, playing baseball, football, and basketball in high school. From there he went to Wright State, where he tossed the only no-hitter in the school's history. Thankfully rock lured him away from the sporting life, which is a good thing, because had he never founded GBV, who would all these new bands rip off?
