COMEDY—Unless you're living under a rock (or reading the wrong paper), you know that Portland has a thriving comedy scene. The ROAR Showcase has our all-stars (Shane Torres, Tim Hammer, Gabe Dinger, Merc contributor Barbara Holm, to name a few) spitting out short, six-minute sets for visiting industry types, but you can come take the ultimate Portland comedy crash course, too—for free! MS
Helium Comedy Club, 1510 SE 9th, 8 pm, FREE

FILM & MUSIC—In the world of cult cinema, adding the word "Turkish" to anything is a guarantee something batshit beautiful is going to happen. 1983's Turkish Rambo (Vahsi Kan, Yerli Rambo) is an almost shot-for-shot remake of the '80s classic, except for the zombies, and the bulldozers, and Filmusik's live foley, score, and voiceovers enhancing all that sweaty, crazed glory. BR
Hollywood Theatre, 4122 NE Sandy, Wed-Sat 7 pm, $12


MUSIC—Channeling an otherworldly sound that's both familiar and alien, Pure Bathing Culture's gleaming, retro-futuristic torch songs are luminously gorgeous, and they're playing an intimate hometown show opening for New York dream-folk purveyors Widowspeak. Drift away as PBC gently launches tunes from their debut full-length, Moon Tides, into the ether. NL
Bunk Bar, 1028 SE Water, 9 pm, $10

COCKTAILS—If you are still able to stand after the epic Portland Cocktail Week of lectures, classes, parties, and lots 'n' lotsa booze, buck up and get down to the finale closing party, featuring 39 bartenders from around the nation putting their best cocktails forward. Don't forget your carbs! MS
Jupiter Hotel, 800 E Burnside, 8 pm, $25


PARTY TIME—This Halloween bash is gonna be off the chain. It's a warehouse costume party with five ace Portland bands, including Sun Angle, And And And, Grandparents, Talkative, and Mustaphamond—plus DJs Maxamillion, Papi, and Blvd Nights spinning all night long. BYO costume and booze, and get ready to dance and party and sweat 'til the witching hour. NL
The Waiting Room, SE 10th & Morrison, 8 pm, $10 (ladies free and men $5 before 10 pm)

HALLOWEEN PARTY—Tonight's Wicked Awesome Halloween party promises so, so much! A costume contest, prizes, a photo booth, and lots of hot, hot homos and heteros. Dance it out with the partystarters on the decks or hit up the queer cover bands who'll be aping your favorites from Le Tigre, Yeah Yeah Yeahs, Nirvana, and Lauryn Hill. This does indeed sound wicked awesome. CF
White Owl Social Club, 1305 SE 8th, 8 pm, $8


HORROR PARTY—Slip into your "Sexy Mummy" costume and shamble over to Portland's biggest Halloween party, Phantom PDX! That's THREE jam-packed floors of music, drink, and fun, including 10 DJs (plus Silent Disco), stilt walkers, something called the "Twerk House" (uh-oh), a costume contest, food, a photo booth, a "Zombie Circus," and midnight pizza! That's a lot of horrific fun! WSH
Leftbank Annex, 101 N Weidler, 8 pm, $40

HORROR RUN—Regular races are boring. Everyone's dressed the same. And no one undead (and expectorating bile) is looking to bite you something bloody. In the Dawn of the Dead Dash, the city's your oyster. If you can make it through an obstacle course of checkpoints in this 5K death dash. And stay alive. DCT
Check-in at Refuge, 116 SE Yamhill, 6 pm briefing, $45-50, 18+,

HORROR FILM—Seattle's greatest video treasure trove exists in the famed Scarecrow Video building, and tonight they bring Portland a coffin-load of hilariously creepy (and gross!) cinematic treats called "The VCR That Dripped Blood." Expect ultra-rare clips with lots of blood, gore, nudity, terrible special effects, and most importantly HORROR. Oh, and some Alice Cooper, too. WSH
Hollywood Theatre, 4122 NE Sandy, 9:30 pm, $8


COMEDY—Craig Ferguson might not have the best-rated late-night talk show, but he's definitely got the most rabid fans. And for good reason: He's a brilliant comedian, capable of off-the-cuff flights of intellect and fancy that leave you panting with laughter while marveling at his skill. His stand-up is some of the best. AH
Newmark Theatre, 1111 SW Broadway, 7:30 pm, $54.50-60.50

GOSPEL BRUNCH—Remember in The Blues Brothers when James Brown and Chaka Khan blew the roof off their church with godly amounts of heaven-sent soul? Okay, now imagine that scene, but with bacon and scrambled eggs. Linda Hornbuckle's Old Time Gospel Hour at Doug Fir turns that dream into maple-scented reality at Gospel Brunch. Praise breakfast! BR
Doug Fir, 830 E Burnside, 2:30 pm, $25


HORROR FILM—Sure, it might be seen as a little slow, now. Maybe a little reserved. But if you let it in, director William Friedkin's 1973 film The Exorcist can still be the transgressive splash of nastiness that caused audiences to run, retching and stumbling, for the exits. The power of Christ compels you. BR
Academy Theater, 7818 SE Stark, see Film Times, $4

MUSIC—Ryan Sollee once acknowledged to an interviewer a recurring theme in his music is "bad people going into the basement and doing bad things." So there's no better place to see the Builders and the Butchers frontman than in Al's Den's basement. He's there all week, exploring the haunted root cellars of his soul with a variety of special guests. DVH
Al's Den, 303 SW 12th, Oct 27-Nov 2, 7 pm, FREE


DANCE MUSIC—Janelle Monáe is inarguably the coolest musician on the planet... nay, the solar system. Her crazy, unique blend of jazzed-up futuristic funk, R&B, and hiphop proves she's the heir apparent to Prince and OutKast's legacies. She's a whirling dervish of pompadour'd, tuxedoed, fast-stepping fun. Seriously, do not miss her—she's a crackling sparkplug! CF
w/Roman GianArthur; Roseland, 8 NW 6th, 8 pm, $22, all ages

READING—We all know Cheryl Strayed is a graceful writer—she proved as much with her memoir Wild. But she's also a discerning reader, and as this year's editor of the well-regarded The Best American Essays collection, she's put together a whopper of a lineup. Tonight, local contributors Kevin Sampsell and Vanessa Veselka join her. AH
w/Brian Doyle, Michelle Mirsky; Powell's Books at Cedar Hills Crossing, 3415 SW Cedar Hills, Beaverton, 7 pm, FREE