FILM—It's rare for comedies—even the great ones—to be as funny as you remember. But for those who have fond memories of 1979's The Jerk, never fear: The inspiring tale of heroic moron Navin Johnson (Steve Martin) and his loyal dog Shithead is just as hilarious as you remember. And if you've never seen The Jerk before, (1) remedy that immediately, and (2) I envy you more than you can possibly know. EH
Academy Theater, 7818 SE Stark, Wed-Thurs 4:55 & 9:25 pm, $4

DOGS—It's time again for the Rose City Classic Dog Show, Portland's five-day-long celebration of all things dog. Sure, you can gawk at the weirdos who're obsessed with inbred purebreds, but more importantly, there'll be way better things to see, like "rally and agility trials," a student art contest, and "classes for beginner puppies 4-6 months old" OH MY GOD! DOGS! EH
Portland Expo Center, 2060 N Marine, Wed 7:30 am-7 pm, Thurs-Sun 8 am-6 pm, $10, seniors 62 & up FREE


COMEDYSaturday Night Live/30 Rock alum Tracy Morgan comes to town with his stand-up act—which, if you haven't seen, is pretty much exactly what you would expect: balls-out, stream-of-consciousness, rapid-fire profanity. So if dirty words and hilarity aren't your cup of tea, stay very far away. (In other words, we'll see you there.) WSH
Helium Comedy Club, 1510 SE 9th, Thurs 8 pm, Fri-Sat 7:30 & 10 pm, $35-42

EAR CANDY—Every month, the Mercury teams with Mississippi Studios to bring you the finest, freshest, and free-est in local music. This month's Ear Candy includes the shape-shifting weather-pattern avant-rock of WL, plus Soft Shadows' dreamy new-gaze—all for zero dinero. NL
Mississippi Studioss, 3939 N Mississippi, 9 pm, FREE


MUSIC—With the stormy, stunning rock of Portland's own Genders at the top of the bill, you're already in great shape. Throw in the cheery, glowy jams of Astoria's Holiday Friends and the stately, slow-crashing surf of Seattle's the Comettes, and you'll be kicking off the weekend in the best possible way. NL
Mississippi Studios, 3939 N Mississippi, 9 pm, $8-10

READING—Friends keep insisting I'm an asshole for not listening to Welcome to Night Vale—a perverse Prairie Home Companion-esque podcast (or maybe it's like Fernwood 2 Night) about a small desert town where bland community news mixes with outlandish supernatural doings. Visit with the show's creators at Powell's to see what all the fuss is about. DCT
Powell's Books at Cedar Hills Crossing, 3415 SW Cedar Hills, Beaverton, 7 pm, FREE


ROLLER DERBY—The hard-hitting dames of Portland's top-notch roller derby league are celebrating 10 years of calculated violence. Watch the four home teams of the Rose City Rollers kick off their 2014 season with two rousing match-ups. Do you like fast girls who like to knock the snot out of each other? Good—see ya there. CF
Memorial Coliseum, 300 N Winning Way, 5:45 pm, $14-20

BOOKS—Congressman John Lewis is a civil-rights icon: He spoke alongside Martin Luther King Jr., and received a Presidential Medal of Freedom from President Obama. He joined forces with local publisher Top Shelf and brilliant artist Nate Powell for March, a graphic memoir in three parts that recounts his journey from a childhood in rural Alabama to the halls of Congress. AH
Powell's City of Books, 1005 W Burnside, noon, FREE


COMEDY—Portland is proudly sending some of its finest comedic talent to the vaunted SF Sketchfest, but first! The Control Yourself showcase is hosting a sendoff for some of them (Stacey Hallal, Phil Schallberger, Gabe Dinger, and more), so go give these hometown reps a proper high-five on their way outta town. MS
Alberta Street Pub, 1036 NE Alberta, 9 pm, FREE

BOOKS—A new book from Ben Marcus is an event, in literary circles: The writer and Columbia University professor is known for work that grapples with language itself, and his short-story collection Leaving the Sea is by turns funny, peculiar, and unsettling. AH
Powell's City of Books, 1005 W Burnside, 7:30 pm, FREE


MLK DAY—Maybe one of the most interesting ways to pay tribute to Reverend Martin Luther King Jr. is to see him through the eyes of his contemporaries—and as a man who ate dinner with his family like anyone else. The Hollywood Theatre is screening three short films about King and his activism, each full of rare archival footage that hardly sees the light of day. DCT
Hollywood Theatre, 4122 NE Sandy, 7:30 pm, $8

SPELLING BEE—The word "embarrassed" is the most difficult word to spell in the English language. It should have one R right? Like "harassed?" You go with that, and the judge dickishly waits extra long to ding the bell that tells you you're wrong. All of which is another way of saying junior high is hard, and spelling bees are great. Check out the monthly Amazing Stumptown Spelling Bee, and seize your destiny. DVH
Dig a Pony, 736 SE Grand, 7 pm, $5 to compete


MUSIC—Sure, I like to get in a couple fancy dinners on my birthday, but the Crystal Ballroom is really taking it to the next level of milking it. The venue celebrates 100 years of existence, and their 100-day-long party ends tonight with a solo show by the Decemberists' Colin Meloy. He's a man who knows a thing or two about history. CF
w/John Roderick; Crystal Ballroom, 1332 W Burnside, 8 pm, $30, all ages

SCIENCE PUB—Tonight's OMSI Science Pub is called "Blows to the Head," and tackles all matter of important cranial questions—from the frightening effects of a concussion to innovative brain cancer treatments. Unclear: if the august guest experts will reveal just how quickly you're killing your brain with all that beer. DVH
Mission Theater, 1624 NW Glisan, 7 pm, $5