COMEDY—Helium welcomes verrrry funny all-gentlemen improv squad Whiskey Tango to their stage. Made up of some of Portland's top comedic talents (Gabe Dinger, Jed Arkley, Leon Anderson, Nathan Loveless, and Samuel De Roest), these handsome dandies are good enough to be invited to the upcoming San Francisco Sketchfest. See 'em now, and say you knew 'em when. WSH
Helium Comedy Club, 1510 SE 9th, 8 pm, $15

THEATER—Take a knee: One of Portland's smartest theater companies has something to say. Hand2Mouth's new show, Pep Talk, is a high-energy riff on coaches, teams, and of course, pre-game motivational speeches. It even includes a nod to Friday Night Lights' Coach Taylor, the most inspiring coach of them all. AH
Peninsula Park Community Center West Gym, 700 Rosa Parks, Fri-Sun 8 pm, Sun 3 pm, through Feb 16, $15-20


BIKES—Your thighs are the best thighs, and it's important that people know. So check out Velo Cult's Second Annual Goldsprints Series, where you'll hop on a stationary fixie and go all out against an opponent while the masses drink and cheer. First person to hit a prescribed distance moves on to the next round, and the progress plays out on a giant projection screen. Trust us: It's fun. DVH
Velo Cult, 1969 NE 42nd, 6 pm (every Thursday through Feb 27), FREE

LECTURE—The infamous, "Weird" Al Yankovic-affiliated collector of novelty recordings, Dr. Demento, has become something of a curio himself these days. He's in his 70s now, and his act—which started in 1970—is now in its fifth decade. But the good doctor, you may not know, cut his radio teeth at Reed College. Tonight he returns to tell his origin story. Over the weekend, he'll give lectures on punk music and mid-century comedy. DCT
Vollum Lecture Hall, 3203 SE Woodstock, 8 pm (through Sun), $5


STORYTELLER—There might not be a single stand-up working who can tell a story like Mike Birbiglia. His Thank God for Jokes tour follows in the footsteps of Sleepwalk with Me and the sublime My Girlfriend's Boyfriend, blending honesty, pathos, and insight with punchlines so finely crafted you could call them artisanal. BR
Newmark Theatre, 1111 SW Broadway, 7:30 & 9:45 pm, $32.50

MUSIC—It's the return of the Big Ass Boombox festival, which means the return of the city's greatest totally free wintertime music fest! Over 40 buzzy, local pop and rock bands—including Summer Cannibals, Adventure Galley, and Lubec—will be spread across five downtown stages in two days, with all-ages sets and absolutely no cover charges whatsoever! NL
Various locations and set times (see Live Music listings, or for more info), Fri & Sat, FREE


MUSIC—No matter how diverse Portland's music scene gets, one thing we keep agreeing on is School of Rock. Their third Best! of Portland show gets teens playing onstage alongside some of the city's finest, including Wild Ones, Lovers, the Thermals, Laura Veirs, Sons of Huns, and so very, very many more that it's downright inspiring. MS
Wonder Ballroom, 128 NE Russell, 7 pm, $13-16, all ages

MUSIC—Guillermo Scott Herren is a man of many aliases, but his work as Prefuse 73 remains consistently fascinating as he busts down boundaries in the electronic and hiphop spheres. Herren's just started a new label called Yellow Year, and he's bringing Nosaj Thing and Falty DL for what's going to be a night of surreal electricity for the ears and mind. NL
Holocene, 1001 SE Morrison, 9 pm, $17


DANCE PARTY—For those who love the swinging '60s style, don't miss the second annual Gotham a Go-Go—a hilariously fun and dancey tribute to the campiest of all Batman series (the one with Adam West!). Batmania (featuring members of Guantanamo Baywatch and the Lordy Lords) and DJ Gregarious will provide the appropriate crime fighting go-go music—plus there will be a costume contest for you Jokers out there. WSH
Holocene, 1001 SE Morrison, 9 pm, $6

FILM—There are so many amazing things contained in The Iron Giant that every viewing is like a little miracle. Fifteen years after Warner Bros. unceremoniously dumped the film in theaters, its classic status has only grown; its standing as a viable Voigt-Kampff test is also rock solid. If you didn't cry at the end of this movie? You're probably a Cylon, or a Replicant, or some sort of awful lizard-person. BR
Hollywood Theatre, 4122 NE Sandy, Sat & Sun, 2:15 pm, $2-5


READING—Short-listed for a Booker Prize, Ruth Ozeki's A Tale for the Time Being follows a 16-year-old Japanese girl who's decided to take her own life—as soon as she finishes documenting the story of her great-grandmother, a Buddhist nun. Sounds serious, but it also marks probably the first time in literature a Hello Kitty lunchbox has served as a deux ex machina. AH
Powell's City of Books, 1005 W Burnside, 7:30 pm, FREE

FILM—The brutal, amazing documentary Grizzly Man tells the story of Timothy Treadwell, who got as close as possible to Alaska's wild grizzly bears, until... yeah. You can see where this is going. Tonight, Werner Herzog's unforgettable film about Treadwell's life and death kicks off OMSI's "Science on Screen" series—and will feature an introduction from a representative of the Oregon Department of Forest and Wildlife. EH
Hollywood Theatre, 4122 NE Sandy, 7 pm, $8


SPORTS—Sure, there's the possibility that Blazers vs. Grizzlies could be a surprise slobberknocker; Memphis knocked off Oklahoma City once this year, so they can play the role of spoiler. But, c'mon: The Blazers will likely wreck this squad like a Portland driver in one inch of snow. And as YouTube's proven, that shit is entertaining as hell to watch. BR
Moda Center, 1 Center Court, 7 pm, $16-139

FILM—Obnoxious dweebs have done their best to ruin Monty Python and the Holy Grail—quoting it at every opportunity, screeching "NI!" whenever you steal their lunch money—but even they can't tarnish the glory of the 1975 comedy classic. See it on the big screen with a beer, as god (and Sir Robin the Not-Quite-So-Brave-as-Sir-Lancelot) intended. EH
Laurelhurst Theater, 2735 E Burnside, see Film Times for showtimes, $4