HELLO, SAILOR!—Last year Fleet Week was cancelled because the Republicans hate America and our military (AKA the not-so-great federal sequester of 2013). But this year? Those sexy, sexy sailors are back! Head down to the Waterfront to visit the impressive US, Canadian, and Coast Guard ships, or simply stand around looking helpful downtown. (Sexy sailors always need "directions" —wink, wink!) WSH
Tom McCall Waterfront Park, NW Couch & Naito, through Mon June 9, FREE (to flirt and gawk)

MUSIC—The cannon-blast art-rock of Seattle trio Helms Alee should be enough to get your volume-loving head in the door, but when the bill is sweetened with the thundersludge of San Fran's Kowloon Walled City and two of Portland's best and heaviest—Gaytheist's honeybear metal and Rabbits' catastrophic noise—you know you can't stay home. There's no comfort for you there. NL
East End, 203 SE Grand, 9:30 pm, $10


BIKE FUN—It's June, again, meaning: Get ready to see things happen on a bike you're not necessarily comfortable with. And join up with this evening's Pedalpalooza Kickoff Ride, a fitting beginning to three weeks of bicycle-centric joy. It'll set sail in inner Southeast, and end in a mystery spot—sort of like Pedalpalooza as a whole. DVH
Begins at Colonel Summers Park, SE 17th & Taylor, ride leaves at 7 pm, FREE

BIRTHDAY—When Holocene opened, the only performers in that part of town were the gals at Sassy's. Well, baby's come a long way and now the talentmongers celebrate their 11th birthday with a throwdown of funky dancing and fun-making. Get your azzes swaying with Seattle's THEESatisfaction and so much more. Happy birthday, you beautiful venue, you! CF
w/Minden, Sex Life, DJ Nathan Detroit, Beat Electric DJs; Holocene, 1001 SE Morrison, 8:30 pm, FREE


MUSIC LIT—James Fearnley's seen a LOT of shit in his years squeezing the squeezebox (that's an accordion, duh!) for the Pogues (they're Irish punk wizards, duh!). Which means you should probably hustle your rumps over to Powell's and hear him talk about his new memoir, Here Comes Everybody. He'll be in conversation with Colin Meloy. (Duh!) DCT
Powell's City of Books, 1005 W Burnside, 7:30 pm, FREE

FILM—Kelly Reichardt's latest film, Night Moves, is another Oregon-centric tale, wherein radical environmental activism gets very tense and creepy. Fans of her artfully daangled threads will find the director honing them in what may be her best work to date, while offering a firmer plot foothold than her earlier work. MS
Various theaters, see our review and Film Times


COMEDY—Yes, you may love his work with much-beloved comedy troupe the State, his roles in films like Wet Hot American Summer, or his snappy, biting Twitter account... but don't miss the real Michael Ian Black, whose delightfully snotty and caustic sense of humor will send you into hysterics. WSH
w/Shane Torres; Hawthorne Theatre, 1507 SE César E. Chávez, 8 pm, $20-25

MUSIC—Anybody who doesn't think the Saturday Night Fever soundtrack is the greatest... well, they aren't people I care to know. And now the talented kids from Portland School of Rock are taking on the disco classic, performing cuts from the Bee Gees, Kool and the Gang, KC and the Sunshine Band, and more. Put on your boogie shoes. You should be dancing. EH
Star Theater, 13 NW 6th, 3 pm, $12-15, all ages

NAKED BIKING—Keeping Portland weird can be annoying work, but the World Naked Bike Ride is an oddly heartening event full of positive vibes and progressive vision. Cap it off at the Mercury's official afterparty, with DJs, dancing, food carts, and cheap beer! MS
Normandale Park, NE 57th & Halsey, leaves at 9 pm, FREE; afterparty at 2410 N Mississippi, FREE


MUSIC—Every year, PDX Pop Now! releases a compilation album stuffed with the best current music happening in our city, and today they celebrate 2014's edition with not one, but two release shows: an afternoon all-ages set with New Move, Blak Neon, and more, plus an evening bill with Illmaculate, Hosannas, and others! NL
Mississippi Studios, 3939 N Mississippi, afternoon show at 2 pm, $5, all ages; evening show at 8 pm, $10-20, 21+

MUSIC—Featuring "nothing but the classic joints from their distinguished careers," Dig a Pony's DJ night R&B features DJs Freaky Outty and Ronin Roc spinning tracks from Beyoncé and Rihanna. Let's call it a "tribute" instead of a "battle"—because if it's a battle? No way is Queen B not going to decimate Rihanna. But still! A night of Rihanna and Beyoncé? CAN'T ARGUE WITH THAT. EH
w/DJ K Marie; Dig a Pony, 736 SE Grand, 9 pm, FREE


MUSIC—Phil Elverum's quiet, plaintive voice is about as close to a physical embodiment of the Pacific Northwest as it's possible to get—someday he'll just evaporate into wisps of cloud. In the meantime, he continues to release dreamy, intimate albums as Mount Eerie. Fun fact: Elverum has a new book called Dust. Would you believe it's mostly lonely, lovely nature photographs? AH
w/Tom Blood; Mississippi Studios, 3939 N Mississippi, 9 pm, $10-12

MUSIC—Mondays can be such a goddamned drag. Especially if you spent the whole weekend drunk and forgot to do important shit like iron your work clothes. But hark! Satisfaction can still be yours! This week's iteration of (free! All ages!) Punk Rock Mondays at Lola's Room stars tasty Portland garage-punkers Lunch. We promise: You'll still be smiling on Tuesday. DCT
w/Wounds; Lola's Room, 1332 W Burnside, 9 pm, FREE, all ages


FILM + MUSIC—Kate Bush's artsy film The Line, the Cross, and the Curve is basically an extended music video featuring songs from her 1993 album The Red Shoes. Now it gets the Sound + Vision treatment with live dance and artist performances from a cadre of Portland's lithe and graceful, who should match Bush's etherealness. CF
w/Allie Hankins, Jin Camou, Vanessa Vogel, Catherine Egan; Holocene, 1001 SE Morrison, 9:30 pm, FREE

FILM—You know how sometimes you hear a teenager talking on the bus and you're like, "UGH TEENAGERS," and you feel like the future is doomed? The fact that novelist/vlogger/genius John Green is wildly popular with teenagers is an antidote to that feeling. The long-awaited film adaptation of his 2012 book The Fault in Our Stars—a love story about teenagers living with cancer—opens this week. AH
Various theaters, see our review and Film Times