QUEER STORIES—In celebration of Pride, Slant: Live Queer Storytelling presents the perfect opportunity to hear a boatload of true tales from the LGBTQ community. Thrill to stories from Jimmy Radosta, Joaquin Lopez, Lavell Wood, and more, plus hilarious hosting from Kaj-anne Pepper. And since the proceeds go to Teacher 10 (supporting LGBTQ educators), tonight's theme is "Schooled." WSH
Holocene, 1001 SE Morrison, 8 pm, $10-12

MUSIC—If you haven't seen the Mountain Goats live, you're missing out—John Darnielle & Co. not only fill their songs with vibrant, heartfelt life every single time, but Darnielle makes for a goddamn charming host. Which probably explains why tonight's show is sold out. But, you know... there are ways. EH
w/Loamlands; Wonder Ballroom, 128 NE Russell, 9 pm, $22.50-25, all ages


COMICS—It's been three years, but to the earth every last beautiful thing must go. The Mercury's Erik Henriksen and Alison Hallett are pulling the plug on their co-produced, fantastically fun Comics Underground, and they're going out with a bang with comics readings from favorites Benjamin Dewey, Joëlle Jones, Jeff Parker, Matt Fraction, and more. Hot damn! CF
The Jack London Bar, 529 SW 4th, 8 pm, $5

READINGS—Bumper stickers notwithstanding, reading is not actually sexy, and neither are most book readings. LitHop might be the solitary exception to that rule: With 54 authors—the likes of Tom Spanbauer, Emily Kendal Frey, and Stacey Levine—reading at six venues over the course of three hours, Portland's own literary pub crawl is a guaranteed sloshy, saucy good time. AH
Various locations on NE Alberta, 7-10 pm, see for lineup and locations, a few all-ages locations

WORLD CUP—We've got World Cup Fever! Just like the rest of Earth, we're suffering from the desperate need to watch hours and hours of world-class soccer on big screens while imbibing oodles of beer at a local bar and rooting for our favorite teams for the next month. First game is today at 1 pm, but leave the vuvuzela at home. CF
See our World Cup Pages for locations, Brazil vs. Croatia at 1 pm


INTERNET CATS—It can be quite challenging to keep pace with the global production of cat videos. Luckily the annual Internet Cat Video Festival collects the most important submissions of the year, so you can be at the vanguard of the genre. MS
w/DJ Whiskers; Hollywood Theatre, 4122 NE Sandy, Fri & Sat, 7 & 9:30 pm, $10

BIKE FUN—It's a false dilemma, but a thorny one. David Bowie or Prince? It's enough to drive King Solomon himself to madness. But the Bowie vs. Prince Ride is also something of a Pedalpalooza institution by now. Pick your team, dress accordingly (I'll be going as "The Thin White Duke"), then ride. Most importantly: Dance, damn you. DVH
Bowie Ride starts at the Fields Neighborhood Park, NW 10th & Overton, 7 pm, FREE; Prince Ride starts at Sewallcrest Park, SE 31st & Stephens, 7:15 pm, FREE

LASERS—Sometimes the world seems like a miserable and pointless place... but then you realize OMSI has LASER DAFT PUNK, and, for a mere $7.50, they will SHOOT LASERS INTO YOUR EYES while BLASTING YOUR EARS with a slew of Daft Punk classics, including "Harder, Better, Faster, Stronger," "Son of Flynn," "One More Time," and "Get Lucky." I take it all back! THE WORLD IS A BEAUTIFUL PLACE OF MUSIC AND LIGHT! EH
OMSI, 1945 SE Water, Fri-Sat 8:15 pm, through June 30, $7.50


ROLLER DERBY—Two roller derby games, four home teams, more than 50 skaters, and room for only one 2014 champion. The Rose City Rollers close out their home season with championships in the spacious, beer-filled Memorial Coliseum. So go see some epic hits and roller-skating athleticism—it doesn't get much better than this. CF
Memorial Coliseum, 300 N Winning, 5:45 pm, $14-20, all ages

MUSIC—Between the high camp of Dollywood and our 1980s-style fetish for big boobs, it's easy to forget something essential about country icon Dolly Parton. Her delightful music. And at tonight's annual Dolly Parton Hoot Night, a benefit for Siren Nation's annual women's arts festival, a ton of Portland acts are planning to remind us all. Again. DCT
w/Rebecca Marie Miller, Tin Silver, Moody Little Sister, & more; Alberta Rose Theatre, 3000 NE Alberta, 8 pm, $12, all ages

DANCE PARTY—Kick off Pride with Control Top, a night so packed with rump-shaking opportunities, your butt might drop off. (Call the doctor!) Go crazy to Baltimore hiphop prodigy Rye Rye, while outside on White Owl's patio, the DJs will spin wild jams. Dress to impress... and bring an extra butt, in case of dance emergencies. CF
w/Chanticleer Tru, Bomb Ass Pussy, Roy G Biv, Nark, & more; White Owl Social Club, 1305 SE 8th, 9 pm, $12-15


COMICS + FILM—Eric Powell, creator of The Goon, is maybe the only man twisted and silly enough to continue the adventures of Jack Burton in comics form. Bridge City Comics celebrates the first issue’s release with a screening of the ’80s classic Big Trouble in Little China, and a post-show signing with Powell and artist Brian Churilla. BR
Hollywood Theatre, 4122 NE Sandy, 7 pm, $6-8

PRIDE PARADE—With Oregon's recent legal breakthrough on the same-sex marriage front, this is an extra-proud year for the Portland Pride Parade. Mark this historical moment by marching and cheering with your fellow citizens, queers, and allies in the name of civil rights, and love! MS
North Park Blocks to the Waterfront, see parade route, 11 am, FREE


MUSIC—When Mississippi Studios started, it was a tiny li'l spot. Now it's a grownup venue with a great big showroom, but as a throwback to the old days, they're hosting intimate Monday performances in Radar Restaurant next door. This week's guest for "Under the Radar" is the always-amazing local folk luminary Laura Gibson, who recently came face-to-face with her nemesis, John Oliver, and prevailed. NL
Radar Restaurant, 3951 N Mississippi, 8 pm, $10

FILM—Inventive and funny and smart, Tom Cruise's Edge of Tomorrow is fantastic—it features great turns from Cruise and Emily Blunt, a crazy sci-fi premise (Cruise dies, over and over and over!), and a steady dose of director Doug Liman's exhilarating action sequences. More blockbusters should be like this. EH
Various theaters, see Film Times for showtimes


MUSIC—Singer/songwriter Jessica Lea Mayfield can do whatever she wants, from heartland country-folk to damaged post-blues confessionals. Her third album, Make My Head Sing, is her most extreme yet, pairing the Ohio native's blue-moon vocals with crunching, grungy rock. NL
w/Israel Nash; Doug Fir, 830 E Burnside, 9 pm, $12-14

BLUME—Judy Blume is a goddamn national treasure, and Blumesday is a ridiculously fun show that celebrates her influence on generations of young readers: Writers and performers like B. Frayn Masters, Arthur Bradford, and Amy Miller will read from Blume's work, and share their own reflections on crushes, periods, religion, and penises named Ralph. AH
The Secret Society, 116 NE Russell, 8 pm, $10-12