COMEDY—The new stand-up showcase from Curtis Cook, Alex Falcone, Anthony Lopez, and Bri Pruett, Earthquake Hurricane made an extremely promising debut during Kickstand's first week in existence, and with tonight's packed lineup it's shaping up to be one of Portland's most reliably funny weekly comedy shows. See it now, before it's universally beloved! MB
w/Zak Toscani, Kristine Levine, Tim Ledwith, Neeraj Srinivasan, Anthony Robinson; Kickstand Comedy Space (inside Velo Cult), 1969 NE 42nd, 8:30 pm, $5

COMIC BOOKS—Comic lovers are all atwitter for the newest from ingenious locals Joëlle Jones, Jamie S. Rich, and Laura Allred, called Lady Killer. The perfect 1960s housewife also happens to be a cold-blooded killer-for-hire in this stylish, biting satire—pick up the debut issue tonight, get it signed by the creators, AND look swanky at the accompanying '60s-style cocktail party. WSH
Things from Another World, 2916 NE Broadway, 7-10 pm, FREE


COMEDY—Kurt Braunohler is so great, I don't even have to look up how to spell his name anymore. The off-kilter comedian's been through town many a time and every time has been a laugh riot about kill lists, breast feeding for far too long, and overly kinetic two-sided dildos. Check out his hysterical jokes, marvel at his hulking blondness, and maybe say hi... he seems nice. CF
Helium Comedy Club, 1510 SE 9th, Thurs 8 pm, Fri-Sat 7:30 & 10 pm, $15-30

MUSIC—Ian Svenonius sings "You still got it, that's what they say/But I never had it" on Chain and the Gang's newest album Minimum Rock N Roll. Au contraire. He has it in spades—always has from now back to his days in Nation of Ulysses and the Make-Up. Go watch the stalwart Washington, DC musician and the gang cut loose with some classic-sounding '50s garage noise delivered with sass. CF
w/Hooded Hags, Savila; Mississippi Studios, 3939 N Mississippi, 9 pm, $12


MUSIC—The legendary, defunct EJ's hosted a ton of great shows from 1995 to 2000. This weekend, Mike Thrasher—who got his start booking at EJ's—celebrates the NE Sandy strip club-turned-rawk bar's 20th anniversary by resurrecting all those good times, with two nights of bands that performed regularly at EJ's, with cheap covers and $2 Pabsts! NL
w/the Jimmies, Gern Blanston, Fireballs of Freedom, & more; Hawthorne Theatre, 1507 SE César E. Chávez, Fri 8 pm, Sat 7:30 pm, $5-10

COMEDY—Andie Main's monthly LA-imported show Picture This! is a little like drunk Pictionary: Stand-ups tell jokes while illustrators try to keep up with them. It's broad comedy for visual learners, this month teaming up illustrators like Ryan Alexander-Tanner (purveyor of Dave's Killer Bread graphics) and Carolyn Main with such stand-ups as Emmett Montgomery, Scott Losse, and so many more. MB
Curious Comedy Theater, 5225 NE MLK, 9:30 pm, $7-10


TALK SHOW—Very funny Merc contributors Alex Falcone and Bri Pruett have another slam-bang edition of Late Night Action lined up for you! This month the live talk show features Oh Joy Sex Toy's Erika Moen, the Funemployment Radio gang, comedy from Caitlin Weierhauser, and musical entertainment from Portland's preeminent rapper Cool Nutz! WSH
Mississippi Studios, 3939 N Mississippi, 7 pm, $10-15

MUSIC—Whether you worship at the altar of Player or Steely Dan, we can all agree: There's nothing better than chilling on your boat, tipping back a piña colada, and feeling some smooth music. EXCEPT, that is, hitting the Doug Fir for the School of Rock Presents Yacht Rock!, featuring 100 percent of your favorite yacht rock grooves with 95 percent fewer beards. Let us exalt the spirit of Michael McDonald; blessed be His name. EH
Doug Fir, 830 E Burnside, 2 pm, $12-15, all ages

MUSIC—According to the Eastern Orthodox Church and its devotion to the Julian calendar, 2015 starts this weekend, NOT on January 1, like all you heretics might think. As such, dance band Chervona—known for headlining Portland's Polish Festival—has gathered some friends to send off 2014 in well-fed (and well-dressed) style. DCT
Star Theater, 13 NW 6th, 9 pm, $20-25


EAR CANDY—Once again, your friends at the Mercury and Mississippi Studios team up to bring you the best in local music—for free. Tonight, bask in the cinematic beauty of noise-rockers the Fourth Wall, who made sky-arcing melodies on their excellent recent album Lovely Violence, plus great sets from Small Skies and Neighbor Wave. NL
Mississippi Studios, 3939 N Mississippi, 9 pm, FREE

MUSIC—Celebrate 101 years (!) of bouncy floors at the Crystal Ballroom's annual Birthday Free-for-All, with a daylong roster of performers including the You Who children's variety show with Sallie Ford and Stephen Malkmus & the Jicks, the Satin Chaps, and Cooper and the Jam. Breathe deeply and pace yourself. MS
Crystal Ballroom, 1332 W Burnside, 1 pm, FREE, all ages


MUSIC—Oh dear, has it really been 10 years since the Know first opened up and starting slinging drinks and shattering eardrums? It has! Show your gratitude with a 10-day festival of loud and excellent lineups, such as tonight's, with Red Fang, Gaytheist, and Drunk Dad! MS
The Know, 2026 NE Alberta, 7 pm, $8

VARIETY SHOW—This latest installment of Entertainment for People's New Shit Show brings brand-new stories and performances from a merry band of local regulars including producer/force to be reckoned with B. Frayn Masters, poet Mindy Nettifee, McSweeney's author Arthur Bradford, and surprise performances from out-of-towners you (literally) won't be able to see elsewhere. MB
Action/Adventure Theatre, 1050 SE Clinton, 8 pm, $8


FILM—Back in the early '80s, Shogun Assassin flickered on the tattered screens of America's grindhouse theaters. These days, Shogun Assassin's perfect blend of bloody violence and heartwarming sentiment has earned it a reputation as one of the great samurai cinema classics—and tonight, the Hollywood Theatre's got it on 35mm. EH
Hollywood Theatre, 4122 NE Sandy, 7:30 pm, $8

THEATER—Fact: Nobody puts Baby in the corner—or keeps her confined to the screen either, because here comes the touring musical production of the Patrick Swayze classic Dirty Dancing. Yes, Baby carries around a watermelon. Yes, they sing "Hungry Eyes." And yes, they do "the lift." Admit it—the soccer mom inside you is dying to go. WSH
Keller Auditorium, 222 SW Clay, 7:30 pm, through Jan 18, $36-94, all ages