COMEDY—Kickstand Comedy Space may have been pushed out of its jaunty basement location, but one of its best stand-up showcases, Earthquake Hurricane, lives on upstairs at Velo Cult. Drink fancy beer surrounded by bikes, while Alex Falcone, Bri Pruett, Curtis Cook, and Anthony Lopez invite even more funny people over? Yes please! MEGAN BURBANK
Velo Cult, 1969 NE 42nd, 9 pm, $5

MUSIC—Say whatever you've gotta say to your concert-going pals well before Metz takes the stage tonight. The Toronto rock trio doesn't go in for subtlety—just lots and lots of volume. Between the tinnitus and dehydration from your spasmic thrashing, there won't be much room for conversation after the show. DIRK VANDERHART
w/Big Ups, Dilly Dally; Doug Fir, 830 E Burnside, 9 pm, $15


COMEDY—Should one resist the temptation to "WOOF WOOF WOOF!" when Arsenio Hall takes the stage? That is between you and your god. Arsenio hosted one of the most game-changing late-night talk shows ever... and has the awards to prove it. Now free from the constraints of television, Arsenio has taken to the stand-up circuit, and it will be very interesting to see what he does with the opportunity. WM. STEVEN HUMPHREY
Helium Comedy Club, 1510 SE 9th, Thurs 8 pm, Fri & Sat 7:30 & 10 pm, $27-35

MUSIC—Hardcore punkers the Bronx enjoy a side project that's just as popular as their original gig. Adding a spicy horn section and black brocade outfits, they become Mariachi El Bronx, a wonderfully authentic mariachi band that maintains their punky edge with the addition of smart lyrics, synths, and plenty of cowbell. Have a shot of tequila and enjoy. WM. STEVEN HUMPHREY
w/Sean & Zander, El Diablitos, Don & the Quixotes; Dante's, 350 W Burnside, 9 pm, $15


MUSIC—Hope you've been toughening up those lily livers, because it's time for the three-day eardrum-banging Smmr Bmmr fest. There are more than 40 bands, including Joel Jerome, Mean Jeans, White Mystery, Guantanamo Baywatch, and a fuck-ton more, all playing garage rock to purge the workweek from your soul. So suck down a few tallboys and get to warehouse rockin' through the night. COURTNEY FERGUSON
66 SE Madison, Fri-Sun 4:25 pm, $14 a day, for full schedule

FILM—Before she directed Wayne's World, Penelope Spheeris made a very different kind of movie: 1981's acclaimed The Decline of Western Civilization documented LA's punk scene. Spheeris would go on to make two more beloved films in the series, where she dug into '80s heavy metal and the gutter punks of the '90s. The Hollywood's showing digital restorations of all three—with Spheeris in attendance. We're not worthy. ERIK HENRIKSEN
Hollywood Theatre, 4122 NE Sandy, Fri & Sat 7:30 pm, $8


DEATH TO CANCER—Local treasure and Merc forever-friend Fogatron is having it out with cancer, so tonight's array of entertainment—live art, an auction, comedy from the Famous Mysterious Actors, music from Sleep, Acoustic Minds, Mic Crenshaw—benefits his expenses, as well as a portion to be donated to the American Cancer Society. Go nuts, and be generous. MARJORIE SKINNER
Ash Street Saloon, 225 SW Ash, 9:30 pm, $8

STORYTELLING—One of the city's more rigorous storytelling affairs, the Mystery Box Show, specializes in sexual themes. They're also about to expand into comic book form, adapting stories from the archives with an array of collaborating artists. See the freshies live now, and read about them later. MARJORIE SKINNER
Alberta Rose Theatre, 3000 NE Alberta, 7 pm, $16-47


BLOCK PARTY—There's nothing better than a do-over, and after 10 years of doing it strong the Do-Over is celebrating by throwing 10 parties in 10 cities on the same Sunday afternoon. It's a pretty-people getdown with great mystery DJs, massive amounts of dancing, and day-drinking until your feet give way. You can't argue with an event that gave Aloe Blacc his start. COURTNEY FERGUSON
AudioCinema, 226 SE Madison, 2-9 pm, FREE with RSVP at

BIKES—By now, all the city's transportation insiders have crossed the new Tilikum Crossing bridge via some conveyance or another, and gleefully live-tweeted it like assholes. Today, it's your turn. The bridge is open for a special preview as part of this year's Providence Bridge Pedal bike ride. Prime those tweeting thumbs. DIRK VANDERHART
Costs $15-60 depending on your age and bridge ambitions, for more details


MUSIC—If American Idol was one of the coalmine canaries for the proliferation of garbage-souled reality TV, then Kelly Brianne Clarkson, winner of season one, is the greatest consolation. "Since U Been Gone" is a perfect pop song, with an infectious hook, a delightful bridge, and tangible catharsis, and tonight, she'll probably sing it! TRY NOT TO SING ALONG. MEGAN BURBANK
w/Pentatonix, Eric Hutchinson, Abi Ann; Moda Center, 1 Center Court, 7 pm, $29.50-99.50, all ages

BURGERS—Start saving room for Burger Week! The third annual burger extravaganza starts today, and my mouth is already watering. Best part? All the featured items are only $5 for one-of-a-kind burgers from places like Slow Bar, Pause, and Star Bar. Yum! SHELBY R. KING
Various locations, Mon Aug 10-Sun Aug 16,


ROLLER DERBY—The roller derby skaters of the Rose City Rollers are showing off their moves in Portland's Living Room for a special exhibition scrimmage. Get ready for hard hits, glorious bruises, and roller skates aplenty under the summer sun! Plus the banjo-rific There Is No Mountain will be soundtracking the best lunch of your lives. All for FREE! COURTNEY FERGUSON
Pioneer Courthouse Square, SW 6th & Morrison, noon, FREE, all ages

FILM—Nothing goes together better than kung fu and revenge—and 1981's Dragon Princess has both in spades, along with stars Sue Shiomi and Sonny motherfucking Chiba. Tonight, take in an extremely rare 35mm print screening, and learn valuable lessons about the best ways to solve problems in your own life. ERIK HENRIKSEN
Hollywood Theatre, 4122 NE Sandy, 7:30 pm, $8